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The Problem with Parenting Labels

April 9, 2015 by Kelley 1 Comment

Recently, some very high-profile books and studies have emerged which center on certain parenting “styles,” and the merits or potentially childhood-robbing mistakes associated with each. Let’s review a sampling, shall we?

Lighthouse Parent: A Lighthouse Parent loves her child unconditionally but is able to strike a balance between protection and guidance, says Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia pediatrician Kenneth Ginsburg, M.D., in his new book Raising Kids to Thrive. This parent “understands that sometimes kids need to learn from failure.”

Helicopter Parent: The metaphor was first used by child psychologist Haim Ginott, M.D. in the late 60s but really caught on in the early part of the millennium to describe parents who hover over their kids and are overly controlling.

Free-Range Parent: (A.k.a. “slow parent,” according to Wikipedia, but who the hell wants to be called that?) Popularized by journalist-activist Lenore Skenazy on her website, free-range parenting is the antidote to helicopter parenting. Skenazy believes we need to give kids more of a chance to stretch, grow, make mistakes independently, and “stay out until the street lights come on.”

Little-Emperor Parent: In China, this has long been recognized as a phenomenon of the one-child policy, in which doted-upon onlies become over-coddled. Canadian researcher Ian Janssen recently adopted the phrase to describe Western parents who deluge their children with “all the material possessions they crave.”

Concerted Cultivator: In the same Queens University study mentioned above, Janssen discusses these parents, who sign their children up for more extracurriculars than their peers and believe that kids should “work hard, and play later.”

Tiger Mom: Yale Law professor Amy Chua has written critically acclaimed books on free-market democracy and political empires, but what made her a household name is her Battle Hymn of a Tiger Mother, a defense of her insistence that her children go to greater lengths than their Western-reared peers to pursue excellence. Critics have had their claws out ever since (see below).

Elephant Mom: In an essay on The Atlantic’s website that went viral, San Francisco writer Priyanka Sharma Sindhar countered Chua with a call for parents to be less like tigers and more like elephants—”parents who believe they should nurture, protect, and encourage their children, especially when they’re still impressionable and very, very young.” She supports her theory with research and, no joke, a ridiculously moving video of real elephant moms and babies.

Labels are catnip to journalists whose livelihoods depend on grabbing readers’ attention, but apparently, some scholars are finding them hard to resist, too. The problem is, labels are tidy, and parenting is messy. On my best days, I show glimmers of Lighthouse Parenting, but then I “forget to mention” baseball travel team tryouts to my oldest son when I find out that about two dozen third graders who hit like Miguel Cabrera have signed up. I recently morphed into Tiger Mom, temporarily, upon realizing that this same child was allergic to answering the “bonus” question at the end of his homework worksheets. Anyone who got a hold of my Amazon receipts on December 17th might have called me a Little Emperor Parent (I did return the make-your-own hovercraft kit). On a summer evening, maybe after a glass of wine, I’m a little more comfortable being a Free-Range Mom.

Can anyone really describe their parenting style in such general terms? Moreover, should we? I fear that all this labeling is only feeding into the notion of parenting as a competitive sport, one in which you have to decide, early on, what team you’re on. Are you a breastfeeder or a bottler? Crib sleeper or co-sleeper? Public or private schooler?

We’re grown-ups with jobs, families, and perspective. Aren’t we beyond the Breakfast Club stage, when the Mr. Vernons of the world saw us “in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions?” Each one of us is an emperor, a helicopter, a tiger, and an elephant. As our kids grow and change, so do we.

“More” Isn’t Key to Time with Kids

April 2, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

This is part of a series I’m calling “Guilt Busters”: Research-proven reasons to cut yourself some slack. More here.

Studies show that today’s parents spend more time with their kids than ever. And yet, I’m going to hazard a guess that whether you work out of home or stay at home, you probably feel you aren’t spending as much time with your kids as you think you should. More floor time, reading time, talk time, toss-a-ball-together time—all of those things would be great, if only we didn’t have to make a living, keep a habitable house, and communicate with other adults on occasion. But recent research from the University of Toronto and reported by The Washington Post’s Brigid Schulte tells us that more isn’t necessarily better when it comes to the time parents spend with kids.

In the first major longitudinal study of its kind, Toronto sociologists found that the number of hours mothers spend with children ages 3 to 11 has no effect on kids’ grades, behavior, emotional health, or more than a dozen other well-being measures. For teens, there was a small positive association between the amount of time spent with mothers and lower risk of delinquent behaviors, but no other health measures. And for those days when you’re stressed, sleep-deprived, or anxious? Spending more time with kids and teens actually has a negative impact on their well-being.

Study authors emphasize previous research showing that high-quality interactions—reading, sharing meals, exhibiting warmth—are beneficial for kids. What doesn’t seem to matter is the sheer quantity of time.

What’s the takeaway? For me, I’m going to worry less about hiring a sitter, signing the kids up for after school, or retreating to my office when I have extra work to do; but think a little more about what we are doing, as a family, when the articles, chores, and emails are done. Taking an hour to get my life in order, in peace, and then devoting the next hour to take a walk or play is far better for everyone than two hours in which kids are begging for attention while I tap away on my phone. Ironically, spending less time with my kids might actually take a bit more proactive scheduling and discipline on my part. But it just makes sense, doesn’t it? I’ll report back on how it goes.

Photo credit: Noo via Photo Pin, cc

Beauty is in the Eye of the Bear Holder

March 3, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

This is not a scientific observation, but I think it’s safe to say that among most inhabitants of a northern latitude, body image doesn’t exactly peak this time of year. When the seasonal trends lean toward freezing temperatures, flu outbreaks, and post-Valentine’s day chocolate sales, many of us are tempted to put on yoga pants, put off exercise, and throw a drop cloth over the full-length mirrors.

Suffice it to say, I was a little mopey this morning when attempting to find suitable attire for a trip to an indoor water park with the boys at the end of the week (a prospect gloomier to many than mid-winter thigh exposure, I realize). I dug around the bathing drawer and pulled out the black Speedo that’s seen me through seven years of Mommy-and-Me swim classes, and pulled it on.

“Ugh!” I muttered to myself, catching a glimpse in the mirror.

A little voice piped up behind me. It was my three-year-old son, who was holding a stuffed bear in the crook of one arm, and a box of Mini Wheats in the other. “Fast!” he said, reaching a tiny hand up to touch the shiny black material that stretched over my hip. “You look fast, mommy!”

I had to laugh. My son didn’t see the flaws that were obvious to me. He saw a material that resembled something worn by Catwoman in the book we had read the night before, Feline Felonies, and maybe even a not-yet-totally-atrophied muscle or two. What is a Speedo for, after all, but speed? To my pre-pubescent boys, a bathing suit—whether for them or mom or the sassy 18-year-old lifeguard at the pool—still has nothing to do with looking good, and everything to do with what you can do in it.

Unfortunately, kids of both sexes seem to be losing sight of this at earlier and earlier ages. A few years ago, I wrote a Parents magazine article, “Kids Who Won’t Eat”, and found that rising awareness about childhood obesity has been a bit of a double-edged sword, as an obsession for body and diet perfection in some circles seems to be trickling down from parents to kids. A recent report by Common Sense Media, meanwhile, showed that half of girls and one-third of boys ages 6 to 8 think the ideal body size is thinner than the one they have. Some of this has to do with what kids see on their phones and TVs, with the rise of the Photoshopped selfie and increasingly unrealistic media portrayals (a whopping 87 percent of teenage TV characters are underweight). But some of it has to do with the way we respond to those media images, directly or indirectly, ourselves. According to Common Sense’s data, five-to-eight year olds who think their moms are dissatisfied with their bodies are more likely to be bummed out by their own bodies, too.

Parenting experts talk a lot about role modeling behavior for our kids: that the best way to get them to do something is to do it ourselves. Clearly, this extends to treating our bodies with respect. This means eating well, not smoking, and exercising, yes, but also not bad-mouthing the body parts that have served us—and them!—through childhood, childbirth, and child-rearing. In another recent study, when kidshealth.org and Discovery Girls magazine asked 2,400 women if they thought they were beautiful, only 41 percent of moms responded yes. But when their daughters were asked if their mothers were beautiful, 91 percent said yes. How else are they going to feel about the person who’s created them, fed them, stayed up all night with them when they were sick or scared, and hurdled waves to save a broken toy pail they loved? My guess is that when these children say their moms are beautiful, they aren’t considering rock-hard abs or perfectly groomed eyebrows in the mix.

As winter turns to spring and we emerge from our homes and our chunky sweaters, I’m going to think back to my three-year-old’s comment whenever I start to question whether I have any business wearing a certain article of clothing, or trying a new exercise class, or jumping off the golf club diving board. There are few things that wear better than contentedness and confidence, and they can be passed down, to girls and boys, both.

Five Days to Organize: Cleaning Kids Rooms

January 2, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

Anyone else feel desperate to get your house in order this New Year’s week? Luckily, Jennifer Bardorf, a professional personal organizer and owner of Neatspaces, in Wellesley, MA, has been here all week to solve common family organizational dilemmas. Check out our home page for Jennifer’s advice earlier this week.

Q. I feel like I am constantly telling the kids to pick up their playrooms or their rooms. I never know whether to assign one day of the week to the task or teach them to clean up before they move onto the next thing. What are some ways to get kids to clean up their spaces more frequently, without so much nagging and fussing?

A. I think it’s a job that needs to be done on a near-daily basis in order to have a mostly-picked-up home, but—I don’t know if there are ways to ensure they clean up their stuff before moving on to the next thing without our intervention. It’s a nice but an unrealistic expectation. Getting them to pick up their rooms doesn’t have to include nagging (ours) and fussing (theirs). Again, I think it comes down to be disciplined and consistent with the kids.

When it’s clean up time, try allotting more time than you think they should need—20-30 minutes—in order for them to do a reasonable job. When I ask my kids to pick up, I give them specific instructions: please pick up the stickers and drawing pads, please put the crayons and glue away. They do most of the work, but I’m usually alongside them, guiding them and arranging things as well.

Kids will be much more successful following through if there are designated spots for the things you are asking them to put away. If there aren’t, that could be the root of the problem. They can’t pick up and stay tidy if they’re not quite sure where things should go. Get some bins and designate a spot for everything. Clear bins make it easy for them to see where to put things. I almost always rely on clear bins from The Container Store, which come in a variety of sizes and stack neatly. Use the bins without their lids for current favorite toys, and stack bins with lids for less frequently accessed toys, like specific craft materials. (The shoe box size boxes are perfect for these items).

I probably go through my kids’ rooms once every two weeks and throw away random stuff that I know (and hope) they won’t look for again. But since they’ve gotten into the habit of picking up their rooms and playrooms regularly (not perfectly), when I go in to tidy up it isn’t such a huge job.

Have an organizing dilemma of your own? Check out Jennifer’s website and contact information, here.

Five Days to Organize: Sports Gear

January 2, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

Anyone else feel desperate to get your house in order this New Year’s week? Luckily, Jennifer Bardorf, a professional personal organizer and owner of Neatspaces, in Wellesley, MA, is here ALL WEEK LONG—yay!—to solve common family organizational dilemmas. She’ll tackle one HHK reader dilemma each day this week. Check in every morning as we transition from 12 Days of Christmas to 5 Days to Organize—I promise you’ll be inspired.

Q. With my kids playing various sports, we have numerous sport bags/backpacks. For my daughter: soccer, lacrosse and swimming. For my son, baseball, football. They each have cubbies in our mudroom but not enough space for all these bags! Any suggestions? —Julie, Malvern, PA

A. Lots of people try to cram sports gear into the mudroom cubbies, and it’s usually a mistake. I’d suggest keeping only bags used on a daily basis, like school backpacks, in here. It will simply get too crowded if you try to keep anything else in these tiny nooks, and you need easy access to school supplies and outerwear to keep mornings running smoothly.

Elfa system, The Container Store

I suggest hanging a designated row of hooks in the garage, basement, mudroom, or your child’s room—wherever there’s a big portion of free wall space— for sports gear. I really like the Elfa system from the container store. You essentially mount a custom-length track ($8 each at The Container Store) horizontally on the wall and add as many hooks as necessary to get the stuff up and off the floor. There are a variety of hooks to accommodate various types and sizes of bags (try these small bag hooks at $6 each, larger bag hooks at $10 each (a must for large hockey bags), and these $12 holders for bats, sticks, and racquets). Hanging the hooks on the track allows versatility as the type of gear changes. The track gives it a more utilitarian look, but you can also mount hooks directly into the wall. Regardless, the hardware nearly disappears once bags are hung. Then, designate a separate bag for each child for each sport that’s currently in season. Keep equipment in the bags or near the bags, and offseason stuff in a closet out of the way.

When you have a special spot that’s designated just for sports and individual bags for each activity, it will not only help contain all the gear, but make for quicker turnaround when it’s time to head out to a practice or game.

Have an organizing dilemma of your own? Check out Jennifer’s website and contact information, here.

Five Days to Organize: Clean Up the Car

December 31, 2014 by Kelley Leave a Comment

Anyone else feel desperate to get your house in order this New Year’s week? Luckily, Jennifer Bardorf, a professional personal organizer and owner of Neatspaces, in Wellesley, MA, is here ALL WEEK LONG—yay!—to solve common family organizational dilemmas. She’ll tackle one HHK reader dilemma each day this week. Check in every morning as we transition from 12 Days of Christmas to 5 Days to Organize—I promise you’ll be inspired.

Q. It is so hard to keep our car clean. We try to limit snacks, but sometimes need to eat on the go. The kids always seem to leave jackets, wrappers, toys, etc. in the way back despite being told to clear everything out of the car. What are some ways to keep up with the mess in the car?

A. I have a newish car and I thought for about 10 seconds that I wouldn’t allow snacks in it, but it’s just not realistic for us. We’re on-the-go straight to activities from school and the kids need to eat. There are also clothing changes that need to happen at times, and lots of other stuff that comes in and out of the car necessarily. But that doesn’t mean your car needs to look like a cafeteria or mud room. There are a couple very simple things you can do to motivate kids to keep their spots in the car clean.

First, you have to be disciplined to remind your kids to take their stuff out of the car every time you arrive home. I am constantly reminding our kids to take their things and trash out of the car. The more consistent you are with reminding, the more they’ll do it, and the more they do it, the sooner it will become a habit for them. Plus, if all of you are removing things from the car everyday, when you do a bigger clean once a week or month or whatever, it won’t be such a big task.

Second, make it easy for kids (and yourself) to get rid of trash. We tell kids to throw their bags and wrappers away in the nearest trash can as soon as they’re done with a snack in the house or in public; why don’t we make it easier for them to do this in the car? There are a few trash “systems” specifically for this purpose, like the TrashStash Car Litter Bag ($15 at The Container Store). But I just keep a stash of plastic grocery bags in the glovebox of the car and just “hang” one from my glovebox door at all times. It’s not the most attractive solution but it might be the simplest and least expensive one. When it’s full I simply tied it up and throw it in our household trash bins.

Have an organizing dilemma of your own? Check out Jennifer’s website and contact information, here.

Five Days to Organize: Small Toys, Big Mess

December 30, 2014 by Kelley Leave a Comment

Anyone else feel desperate to get your house in order this New Year’s week? Luckily, Jennifer Bardorf, a professional personal organizer and owner of Neatspaces, in Wellesley, MA, is here ALL WEEK LONG—yay!—to solve common family organizational dilemmas. She’ll tackle one HHK reader dilemma each day this week. Check in every morning as we transition from 12 Days of Christmas to 5 Days to Organize—I promise you’ll be inspired.

Q. As my kids get bigger, their toys seem to get smaller. We have a zillion little building blocks and gears and little pieces floating around the house. I’ve tried to dedicate a space for them but when they are stowed away, they are forgotten. When they are found, they start to appear all over the house. What’s the best system for keeping tiny toys?

Nilo Multi-Activity Play Table

A. I assume you are talking about that dirty four letter word, L-E-G-O. But the same problems and solutions that apply to Lego will apply to other small toys, from K’nex to Calico Critters.

I like centering toy storage around a small activity table, because it will encourage kids to play with their toys on it and therefore reduce chances they’ll spread all over the house. The best I’ve found is the Nilo Multi-Activity Children’s Table, which comes in two sizes and five different stains and will last forever (large size is $229 with free playmat at nilotoys.com). Bins can fit easily underneath, and roll-out ones on casters are best. Nilo makes two roll-out toy boxes that fit underneath the larger size table perfectly. You can store Legos and other building pieces in both of these large boxes—and here’s a revelation—don’t stress out about keeping the toys sorted by color or size or anything. Most kids care less about that then you do. That means it’s easy-peasy when you ask the kids to clean up: they can just pick up the small toys and dump ’em in. Less stress, less mess.

Ikea Trofast storage system; bins come in lots of other colors

If sorting is important to you or your child—say, if they like to rebuild sets in their original designs—the Ikea Trofast storage system is great (check out the two-column configuration which will fit four large and four small bins that easily slide out, for $88 at ikea.com). It comes in lots of different sizes, configurations, and colors that can match your kid’s bedroom. Sort pieces by color or size along with your child, so he or she knows where to put everything at future clean up times. You can even take a picture and tape it on each plastic bin to make it easier for pre-readers.

Have an organizing dilemma of your own? Check out Jennifer’s website and contact information, here.

Five Days to Organize: Paperwork Trail

December 29, 2014 by Kelley Leave a Comment

Anyone else feel desperate to get your house in order this New Year’s week? Luckily, Jennifer Bardorf, a professional personal organizer and owner of Neatspaces, in Wellesley, MA, is here ALL WEEK LONG—yay!—to solve common family organizational dilemmas. She’ll tackle one HHK reader dilemma each day this week. Check in every morning as we transition from 12 Days of Christmas to 5 Days to Organize—I promise you’ll be inspired.

Q. Here’s a basic mom organization question: If it’s not in front of you, how do you know it exists? When we stow away forms and papers and bills in order to declutter, we so often forget that the paper reminders even exist and then we end up missing deadlines. How do we train ourselves to sit for five minutes on a regular basis and check the “inbox” of hidden paper when there are a trillion directions that we’re pulled in? —Dana, Wallingford, PA

A. First off—I’m so honored to be asked to be a guest on Kelley’s blog! Hope I can share some helpful and perhaps inspiring thoughts. Before tackling this question specifically, there are two things I always stress to my clients. Discipline and attitude. To achieve your goals, you have to be disciplined to do what you need to do even if you don’t want to do it. Having a positive attitude will improve your health and productivity. Yes, it’s not just fluffy stuff to think positively, there are scientific studies on it!

Let’s keep that in mind when discussing this first, very common dilemma: the paperwork trail. As a mom, there are so many pieces of paperwork that require an action or a response. Party invitations, bills, field trip permission slips, school work and on and on. I suggest to clients that they keep paperwork in a file folder NOT tucked away in a desk or drawer, but out where they typically tend to these items—the kitchen, your desk, whatever. File them in order of priority: what needs to be responded to first goes to the top of the file folder and what isn’t so time sensitive is in the back of the file folder.

Reisenthel wall-mount organizer, The Container Store

Good file holders help: A wall-mounted system is great because it keeps files at eye level, which is a good visual reminder, and also prevents crowding on your desk or countertop or wherever you work. I like the Reisenthel Wall-Mounted Organizer because it has lots of pockets that can also include space for my kids to keep their homework or artwork-in-progress too. It’s fabric, comes in great colors, and is just $15 at The Container Store. If you prefer something sturdier, Pottery Barn’s Daily System has a nice-looking file holder in white, black, or two different brown wood shades for $59, here.

Separately, I keep a box-style desktop file bin for “my” papers such as school directories, stamps and envelopes, grocery lists and flyers, and one file per child with notes and numbers I need to keep with sports rosters or information on their individual activities. You can get one to match your decor at The Container Store for as little as $10, here.

But you really don’t need anything fancier than a file box and some folders for this system to work. What is critical is that you become disciplined enough to actually go through the papers on a regular basis. Like every day or every other day so stuff doesn’t fall through the cracks. Plan what time you will do this work every day or every other day. After drop-off or after the kids are in bed. Literally, set your alarm on your phone titled “paperwork”. You may have to tweak the designated time to tend to the paperwork but I predict it will become habit for you to do this task after 2-3 weeks.

Have an organizing dilemma of your own? Check out Jennifer’s website and contact information, here.

Why Give Gifts at All?

December 24, 2014 by Kelley 3 Comments

If there’s any sort of anti-materialistic or penny-pinching bone in your body, this time of year is bound to make you a little batty. Gift guides, pop-up ads, and catalogs we never, ever intend to order from entreat us to buy, buy and buy some more. Even as I type this, hours before Christmas Eve, L.L. Bean just sent me one more email reminding me that I still have time to get a Fair Isle sweater across the country before Christmas. How is that even possible?

And yet—I deeply love the gift-giving tradition of Christmas. I love that the boys spend weeks working on their lists to send to Santa, each item more outlandish than the last. (My 6 year-old’s latest add: An LED-illuminated cactus growing kit for his room.) I love anticipating the looks on their and other loved ones’ faces when they open up items they forgot they mentioned to me months prior. And this year, the first in which they’ve used their own allowance money to buy their own gifts to give, I have loved listening to their rationale when plotting their own $2 surprises for grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. (Nana does love chewing Trident gum on her walks, it’s true.)

Of course, I realize that the true meaning of Christmas can’t be found on Amazon. Which is why we round up loose change in the house and buy canned goods to donate at the town food pantry. We bake bread for neighbors. We have a special edition of our weekly “family meeting” and share our reflection on years past and hopes for the year ahead. And tomorrow, we will endeavor to sit through an entire church service without someone making a scene or needing a big-boy-underpants change.

Christmas morning, 1979

But hours later, when my husband and I arrange the presents under the tree and stuff stockings, I’ll remember, as I have every December since becoming a parent, the story my mother tells of the year she and my Dad finally felt like they had saved up enough money to give my sisters and I a “big” Christmas. After they hauled the Barbie pool and banana-seat bicycle up from the basement hiding spot, they stood back and just stared, in elated disbelief, at the tree and the carefully wrapped treasures around it. The gifts didn’t symbolize love, exactly, but the hard work and sacrifices they had made for the people they loved.

“We overdid it,” my mom says now. “We couldn’t help ourselves.” But looking back, I don’t think that made us feel entitled. We didn’t get everything we wanted, not by a long shot, and my mother was never the type to give in to random toy pleas in the Sears checkout aisle in the middle of the year. Christmas was special, and we all saved up for it.

It’s no wonder that my all-time favorite holiday tale, and one of my favorite short stories, period, is O. Henry’s Gift of the Magi. In it, a young, poor married man and his wife separately, and secretly, sell their prized possessions in order to earn money to buy gifts for each other for Christmas. He sells his pocket watch to buy hair combs for her; but alas, she has sold all her hair to buy a chain for his pocket watch. Their presents turn out to be useless; and all the more meaningful because of it. O. Henry writes:

The magi, as you know, were wise men – wonderfully wise men – who brought gifts to the new-born King of the Jews in the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents. Being wise, their gifts were no doubt wise ones, possibly bearing the privilege of exchange in case of duplication. And here I have lamely related to you the uneventful chronicle of two foolish children in a flat who most unwisely sacrificed for each other the greatest treasures of their house. But in a last word to the wise of these days let it be said that of all who give gifts these two were the wisest. Of all who give and receive gifts, such as they are wisest. Everywhere they are wisest. They are the Magi.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has spent the last several weeks spending more time and money than is probably wise, all because there are few things sweeter than seeing our children’s eyes light up with genuine and utter glee. To all my fellow Magi moms and dads, I wish for you a joyous holiday, and a coming year filled with all things priceless: family, friends, and love.

Keep Your Head this Holiday Season

December 9, 2014 by Kelley Leave a Comment

This time of year, it’s tempting to throw routines and good judgment out the window and let the fun times, cocoa, and endless Nick Jr. holiday episodes flow. But the American Academy of Pediatrics, in their infinite and sober wisdom, knows that an emphasis on making the holidays perfectly “merry” can backfire, and have come up with some helpful reminders for staying sane even when you’re on the verge of descending into holiday madness. I came across these tips today and am thinking about tattooing them to my (Amazon one-click-ordering) hand for the remainder of December. Here they are, slightly condensed, via the AAP site Healthy Children.

Holiday Mental Health Tips

1. Take care of yourself. Just like they say on the airplane, “In the event of an emergency, put your own oxygen mask on first, and then help children traveling with you to put theirs on.” Children respond to the emotional tone of their important adults, so managing your emotions successfully can help your children handle theirs better, too.

2. Make a plan to focus on one thing at a time. Try a few ideas from mindfulness as a strategy to balance the hustle and bustle of things like shopping, cooking, and family get-togethers during the holidays: Stop and pay attention to what is happening at the moment, focus your attention on one thing about it, notice how you are feeling at the time, withhold immediate judgment, and instead be curious about the experience.

3. Give to others. Make a new holiday tradition to share your time with families who have less than you do. Encourage an older child to join you in volunteering to serve a holiday meal at your local food bank or shelter. Help your child write a letter to members of the armed forces stationed abroad who can’t be home with their own family during the holidays. (More HHK ideas for this next week.)

4. Keep routines the same. Stick to your child’s usual sleep and mealtime schedules when you can to reduce stress and help your child and you enjoy the holidays.

5. Keep your household rules in effect. Adults still have to pay the bills and kids still need to brush their teeth before bedtime!

6. Teach the skills that children will need for the holidays in the weeks and months ahead. For example, if you plan to have a formal, sit-down dinner, practice in advance by having a formal sit-down dinner every Sunday night.

7. Don’t feel pressured to overspend. Think about making one or two gifts instead of buying everything. Help your child make a gift for his or her other parent, grandparents, or other important adults and friends. Chances are, those gifts will be the most treasured ones and will teach your child many important lessons that purchasing presents can’t.

8. Most important of all, enjoy the holidays for what they are – time to enjoy with your family. So, be a family, do things together like sledding or playing board games, spend time visiting with relatives, neighbors and friends.

Photo credit: Cat Planet Rocks My Socks via Photo Pin, cc