school Archives - Happy Healthy Kids

How Flipping “Strength Switch” Makes Kids Happier, More Successful

September 13, 2017 by Kelley Leave a Comment

Spelling. Their left kicking foot. Forgetting their assignments at school. If I had a nickel for every time I talk to my kids about something they have to “work on,” I’d probably have enough money to fund a private tutor for just about every school subject and extracurricular endeavor I fret they’re struggling with. But a compelling new read by an internationally renowned child psychologist has convinced me that such an investment would be a huge mistake. Professor Lea Waters, Ph.D, who leads positive psychology programs at the University of Melbourne and University of Michigan, says that by resisting to impulse to help our kids with their weaknesses and instead give them opportunities to do more of what they’re naturally good at, kids—and us!—will be better able to thrive.

Discussing her new book The Strength Switch with The Guardian newspaper, Dr. Waters explains the evolutionary reason why we parents, and often our children themselves, seem to focus our time and energy on patching up shortcomings. “We have evolved with a ‘negativity bias,’ zeroing in on what’s wrong as a way to protect ourselves and our tribe,” she says. “Add to this the constant social pressure to raise perfectly behaved, accomplished kids, and many parents feel as if they have to be in “fix-it” mode all the time.”

But being a slow runner, say, no longer portends eminent demise; even being a sloppy speller won’t sink you. In our modern, diverse society, there are fewer personal skills that are absolutely “essential,” and a wider range of traits that can be considered assets. Moreover, Waters’ research in the International Journal of Applied Positive Psychology and other peer reviewed publications has shown that parents who were trained to regularly recognize and point out their kids’ strengths allowed them to identify programs—from after school activities to at-home chores—that made the children happier and more successful all-around. Waters calls it “flipping the strength switch”: shifting from talking mostly about what kids need to improve on to what they have the best chance, with continued hard work, to excel in.

So, what are some practical ways to make this shift? It can be hard, especially when there are some things kids have to do that they might struggle with, from certain required school subjects to universally acknowledged life skills, like swimming or keeping their belongings organized. When it comes to tricky schoolwork, Dr. Waters counsels parents to suggest that kids think about how their strengths can help them with the things they struggle with. Let’s say they have trouble grasping, say, long division; you can explore how another strong trait—say, neat handwriting—can help make the process easier. If they struggle with public speaking, you might point out how they might call on their funny sense of humor to ease them through a scary moment.

“Picture a light switch inside your head,” she explained to The Guardian. “When the light is on you look for the strengths in your child. When it is off, your negativity bias is operating. The brain is a pattern detecting organ, so the more you flick the switch, the more you train your brain to look for positive patterns and so over-ride the negativity bias.”

This can work with discipline, too. Dr. Waters uses an example of how her son kept forgetting to put his new bike away, and it was driving everyone crazy. She started commented regularly on how Nick had used his good organizational skills to put his other belongings away after school. Feeling pride about this skill, her son began to see how his carelessness with his bike didn’t jibe with that strong sense of identity, and the bike wound up where it belonged from then on.

What do you think—have you noticed that your kids step up when they’re boosted up? Are you brave enough to not worry about something they’re just plain lousy at? It’s definitely something I need to, ahem, work on.

Photo credit: Aikawake via Flickr

6 Clues to Eye Problems in Kids

March 8, 2017 by Kelley 1 Comment

I’ll admit that in the realm of kids’ wellness, eye health has historically been off my radar. Part of this can be chalked up to genetics: Neither my husband nor I have vision problems, and ocular issues don’t run in our family. But apparently, American parents, generally, are pretty clueless about eye health. A recent survey sponsored by the Vision Council and American Optometric Association reveals that 24 percent of parents would only ask to have their child’s eyes checked if they suspected a problem; meanwhile, just 2 percent of parents would wait for symptoms to take their child to a dentist for the first time.

Some recent news and a conversation with the pediatrician clued me into the fact that I could stand to pay more attention to my kids’ eye health. Five to 10 percent of preschoolers and 25 percent of school-aged kids have vision problems, while most eye conditions, from amblyopia (“lazy eye”) and retinoblastoma, are treated most successfully when caught early. Here are three surprising things I learned in my research; hope you might pick up something new, too.

1. Watch out for “the glow” in photos of your kids. Do you “know the glow?” I didn’t, until the folks from an organization of the same name reached out to me. Apparently, if your child’s eyes emit a white or golden glow in photos, that’s evidence of Leukocoria, or an abnormal red-eye reflex that’s common to many eye conditions, such as amblyopia, cataracts, and some forms of eye cancer, including retinoblastoma. Some 1 in 80 kids will exhibit “the glow” in photos. If yours does, the doctors at Know the Glow suggest you talk to your pediatrician and ask for a red reflex screening of the eyes. Many eye conditions resolve themselves completely in children when caught early. For more information, check out Know the Glow.

2. Eye rubbing can be a sign that a child is logging too much screen time. A recent study of 7- to 12-year-olds found that 7% of children suffer from symptoms of dry eye disease, and those who did were far more likely to be on their smartphones for several hours per day (and less likely to spend time outside) than their peers without the condition. Apparently, we blink less when we look at screens, and that can lead to faster evaporation of the tear film and lead to dry eye, an uncomfortable condition that causes itching, irritation, and in severe cases, vision problems. If your child seems to complaining about his eyes or rubbing them frequently, talk to your pediatrician or a pediatric ophthalmologist; and consider cutting back on screen time. When children in the study did just that, their dry eye symptoms resolved.

3. Some learning challenges are rooted in vision problems. School demands a lot of hard work on the eyes. We might suspect that kids who squint a lot are candidates for a vision screening, but did you know that attention and reading problems might also be linked to eyesight challenges? According to the American Academy of Ophthalmology, four underappreciated signs of eye problems in children are:

Having a short attention span: Your child is more apt to lose interest in lessons or games because their eyes are straining too hard to keep up.
Losing one’s place in a book: Blurring or straining can make it hard to follow along.
“Hating” to read: When it’s hard to see a page, reading can be taxing, and not fun.
Turning their head to the side: Does it feel like a child isn’t listening, or playing coy, by constantly turning her head when someone is talking? If they have a refractive eye disorder, like an astigmatism, this might help them see better.

The American Academy of Ophthalmology and American Academy of Pediatrics recommend that children have their eyes checked by a pediatrician at birth and at every well visit starting at age 6 months. By age 5, each eye should be checked separately every year, and if a problem is found, a visit to a pediatric ophthalmologist is in order. If your child’s pediatrician isn’t performing regular checks, speak up, even if you don’t notice anything amiss. Kids’ eyes are put to the test more than ever these days; they need TLC just like the rest of them.

Photos courtesy of Pixabay (top) and Know the Glow.

Top Kids’ Health Headlines of 2016

December 30, 2016 by Kelley Leave a Comment

I think we can all agree that 2016 was a news roller coaster —at turns nauseating, exciting, and just plain sobering. And the output of fascinating headlines included an unusual amount of news relevant to parents and kids. Here are five family-centric health topics that caught my attention last year, and are good to catch up on if you haven’t already. What am I missing? Be sure to comment here or on Facebook to let me know. Happy New Year to you and yours…and thanks so very much for reading.

Screen Time for Tots O.K.—As Long as Parents Get Involved. For the past decade, parents have struggled to heed American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommendations banning any and all screen-time for kids under 2. But now, conceding the ubiquitousness of digital media in all our lives, the AAP have updated their guidelines to not include an age floor for screen use—but instead encourages parents to be more proactive in how, what, and for how long kids of all ages watch. They recommend printing out and sticking to a Family Media Use plan like this one that encourages careful vetting of games and shows, time for outdoor play and exercise, and putting phones and tablets “to bed” when kids do.

HPV Vaccination Works—But Not Enough Kids Are Getting It. The prevalence of the cancer-causing human papilloma virus (HPV) in teen girls has dropped impressively—by 64%—since the HPV vaccine was introduced a decade ago. And yet, just 42 percent of girls and 22 percent of boys between the ages of 13 and 17 are getting the recommended 3-dose vaccine series. A just-released study in Pediatrics suggests that pediatricians take a more formal approach to getting families on board—presenting it clearly as one of the recommended vaccines for kids rather than launching an open-ended conversation about it over the course of a well visit.

Dads are Crucial to Kids’ Healthy Development. Shifting family dynamics have gotten more fathers involved in childcare, but old stereotypes and gender norms still perpetuate the notion that moms are the emotional center of kids’ lives. New research and guidelines may change that perception: In a rigorous review of recent research on fatherhood, the AAP released a clinical report showing that dads’ involvement is a stronger predictor of kids’ health and success than many might assume. Among their findings: Healthy “horseplay” often initiated by dads may challenge children to be more confident in taking risks; the amount of father communicates with a child at age 3 may be one of the chief predictors of kids’ later verbal ability; and teens with involved dads are less likely to engage in risky behavior or suffer from depression. Michael Yogman, M.D., chair of the AAP Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health and co-author of the report, goes so far as to suggest that pediatricians start giving dads, specifically, a prescription at infant well visits: “Play with your baby every day.”

Zika Hits Home—and the Impact Goes Beyond Microcephaly. A little more than a year after we started reading about the devastating effects of the mosquito-borne virus in South America, cases of Zika started popping up in Florida in July 2016. The spread, at least domestically, seems to have been contained by now, but public health officials warn that warm weather in 2017 could bring about more cases—and more dangers. A new study in the New England Journal of Medicine, suggests that damage during fetal development from the mosquito-borne virus can occur throughout pregnancy, and that other birth defects are even more common than microcephaly, when babies are born with very small heads. Given Zika and the increase in tick-borne illness diagnoses in kids, it’s more important than ever that parents get as serious about applying an effective insect repellent to kids—and themselves, especially if pregnant—as they’ve become about slathering on sunscreen. We’ve listed the most effective safe bug sprays, here.

U.S. Kids are Heating Healthier, But… Finally, some good news on the kid diet front: Brown University research on children’s eating patterns between 1999 and 2012 reveals that kids are eating more whole grains, whole fruits, dairy, and protein from seafood and plants. They’re also laying off sugary foods and drinks more than ever before. But: they continue to eat too much salt and not enough vegetables—even fewer veggies than previous, less health-conscious generations consumed, say Brown epidemiologists. Here are some HHK ideas for some simple, kid-friendly veggie side dishes, and 25 superfoods—including seven vitamin-packed vegetables—worth trying on your children.

Getting Kids Outside this Winter

December 8, 2016 by Kelley 1 Comment

On these cold, dark December days, it’s tempting to crank up the thermostat, “lose track” of kids’ screen time, and daydream of an existence where we could teleport from car to house with zero exposure to the elements. But some recent reading is convincing me that I need to toughen up and get myself—and the kids—outside as much as possible this winter.

For one thing, studies are showing what kindergarten teachers have always known: Fresh air, even and maybe especially during wintertime, boosts attention. It’s something that Finland, which typically gives students 15 minutes of outdoor recess for every 45 minutes of classroom time, year-round, credits for its top rankings in the Program for International Student Assessment survey of reading, math and science scores. What’s more, outdoor activity in the colder months, specifically, may give us an extra health boost. Muscles work harder in slick or snowy conditions, and we burn more calories as our bodies have to work harder to raise our body temperature. Also, people who spend a lot of time outside in the wintertime are less likely to encounter germs that proliferate indoors when it’s cold, which can help protect us against some nasty bugs.

And yet, weather is the thing most likely to keep kids from playing outside, cited even more often than safety concerns, homework, and busy schedules by parents in a 2012 survey by the National Wildlife Federation. So what can we do to successfully nudge ourselves and kids outdoors when artificial light and heat seem so much more inviting?

L.L. Bean Mad Bomber Hat

Pay less attention to jackets, and more to hats. Kids are notorious for balking at and shedding their coats. In reality, children do have an elevated metabolism and energy level that does cause them to feel hotter than us, so they are apt to get overwarm and annoyed if the are overly bundled. But they also lose body heat more rapidly. Get them a winter jacket that they, above all, will want to keep on, and don’t sweat too much the “temperature ranges” that fancy puffer coat companies market. Where to spend your money (and your nagging quota): Hats. “A hat can go a long way toward keeping your child warm,” pediatrician Lee Bears, M.D., recently told the Washington Post. “If you are going to fight over something, that might be the thing to fight over.” As goofy as they look, you can’t beat bomber hats with chin straps for warmth. L.L Bean makes them in boy- and girl-friendly styles, and if parent reviewers in places like northern Maine and Newfoundland are satisfied, you probably will be, too.

Fold and Stow Snow Scooter

Snow Fort Building Set

Nite Ize “Flashlight”

Counter empty-yard syndrome. There’s nothing that makes backyard play less appealing than an empty patch of dead grass or crusty snow. Kids are far more apt to engage in active play when given more toy choices, according to research, so don’t stash all of the toys away with the skateboards and sprinklers when the temperature drops. Certain playthings are meant for cold or snowy conditions. Some kid-tested crowd-pleasers:
Hearthsong’s Fold and Stow Snow Scooter: This nifty scooter “floats” on the snow thanks to a ridged bottom. Ages 4 and up.
Glow-in-the-dark frisbees: Frisbees are great because they’re easier to grab than balls when you have gloves on, and these Nite Ize “Flashlight” LED-illuminated discs come in four super-bright colors that will be easier to see in the darkening pre-dinnertime hours.
Snow Fort Building Set: Much more than some plastic molds, kids can really sculpt a fortress with this kit. Ages 5 and up.

Fix.com’s winter fun ideas

Lead them in some simple games. We love Fix.com’s great (and simple) list of cold- and kid-friendly games, like Snow Spray Paint Art. Find it here.

Keep it short and sweet. Keeping outdoor play intervals short are more appealing as well as safer when the temperatures drop below freezing. To help motivate, set a timer on your watch or phone for 15 minutes, Finland’s typical recess interval—even this short a stint can get the heart pumping and is totally doable, especially if you ensure that kids have a set place to find and deposit their outwear on the way in and out. And a promise of sweet incentives upon their return indoors, like a cup of Silly Cow’s pricey, but truly excellent marshmallow-swirl flavored cocoa, hurts very little.

Guide to Kids’ Belly Pain

September 13, 2016 by Kelley 2 Comments

If I crunched the numbers on how often my kids have uttered certain phrases, “my belly hurts,” ranks pretty darn high. So common is this refrain, and typically uneventful the outcome, that there’s a cry-wolf quality to it; I typically point my child towards the pantry or bathroom and go about my day. But sometimes, a stomachache persists, and then figuring out the cause can be like falling into a rabbit hole (and equally unpleasant). And we bumbling parents aren’t the only ones to feel this way. “Belly pain is a dreaded symptom around the office,” says pediatrician Naline Lai, M.D., co-founder of the Two Peds in a Pod blog and an HHK adviser. “It’s so complex, and there are so many different things it can be.”

This is particularly true during these back-to-school days, a perfect storm of abdominal pain risk factors. There’s the fresh viral soup that a closely congregated group of young children stirs up, leading to potential stomach bugs. There’s the suddenly tight schedule of socializing and learning, which cause some kids to drink less water and ignore signs of having to go to the bathroom, both of which can cause constipation. And then there’s stress, a not-well-understood and yet definite trigger of belly discomfort.

With the help of Dr. Lai, we came up with a list of five common belly ailments school-aged kids, and sneaky signs that can help point in the direction of a culprit. Please note that this is only a starting point of reference, and in just about every case of belly pain that doesn’t pass quickly or recurs regularly, you should consult your child’s doctor. Dr. Lai and her Two Peds colleague, Julie Kardos, M.D. ran a helpful post about when you should definitely talk to the pediatrician about your child’s belly pain, here.

Problem	Typical Symptoms	Keep in Mind...
GI Bug	Can come on fast; nausea or stomach cramps followed by vomiting and/or diarrhea; sometimes a fever but not often	Little kids, especially, have trouble explaining what nausea feels like, says Dr. Lai. They may talk about a boo-boo in their belly, but other red flags are refusing food, general fussiness and clinginess, and fatigue.
Constipation	Usually a dull ache, often around the belly button area; reduced number or size of bowel movements; can be bloating around the belly if advanced	Constipation can be very painful, but other things can mimic the severe discomfort sometimes associated with it, like a twist in an ovary or testicle, so call a doctor if concerned. "Also, if they're uncomfortable, be sure to keep track of their bowel movements--kids certainly won't," says Dr. Lai.
Non-gut-related infections (urinary tract infections, pneumonia, etc.)	Fevers are often apparent; kids with UTIs often complain of belly aches low and centered around bladder, and often have pain when urinating and/or an urge to urinate frequently; pneumonia that affects the lower part of the lungs can cause stomach pain or nausea, and typically is associated with a bad cough	"Organs not associated with the gut can cause belly pain," Dr. Lai says. If bacterial, infections often require antibiotics, so if your child has these symptoms, run them by the pediatrician.
Food sensitivity (i.e. lactose intolerance)	Crampy abdominal pain following the consumption of certain foods; loose stools	Lactose intolerance is the most common food sensitivity we see, and can develop as kids get older, says Dr. Lai.
Appendicitis	Pain often starts out in belly button area and moves to the right lower abdominal area; can become very severe	Appendicitis is one of the "great masqueraders of medicine, because it's tricky to tell the difference between this and something benign," says Dr. Lai. If there's any question, go to the doctor.
Stress	The key to anxiety-related stomach pain is that it's very situational, Dr. Lai says. "What often happens in kids who suffer from it is that they have belly pain every morning before school, but miraculously, not on weekends."	"The abdomen is a little known stress point," says Dr. Lai. "Some people get headaches when they're troubled, and others get stomachaches." If every other cause of persistent belly pain is ruled out, docs often look to what's going on at school, at home, and with friends to see if something might be stressing a child out.

School Morning Doughnuts

August 23, 2016 by Kelley 2 Comments

Hear me out.

Like lemonade, ice cream, and Fruit Ninja, doughnuts appeal to just about every kid. Of course, doughnuts are the epitome of a breakfast that you grab in a moment of weakness and regret when your child is hyperactive and hungry 20 minutes later. I’m pretty sure that if you want your child to bomb a test, your contribution to the effort would be to offer him a rainbow-sprinkled on his way out the door.

That said, what is a doughnut, technically, other than a fluffy, puffy, ring-shaped pastry? (Yes, I realize that connoisseurs would balk at this—including Pennsylvania Dutch grandparents, professional bakers who made, by all accounts, delicious fastnachts, yeast doughnuts traditionally fried in lard.) But with the whole wheat croissants at my favorite New York City coffee shop, Via Quadronno, in mind, it occurred to me that one could fortify the simple “cake” doughnut, even just a little bit, and have them still be appealing to kids. Having not seen whole grain doughnuts in the wild, I turned to my friend the Internet, and found and tweaked a couple of recipes (thanks to eatgood4life for getting me started). With some milk and fruit for good measure, these are two school-morning-worthy treats kids—and you—can get behind.

(A few things that seem key, here: A nonstick doughnut pan (I got two of these Wilton doughnut pans from Amazon); whole wheat pastry flour (pastry flour makes baked goods more tender, important for cake doughnuts); and some really good flavorings. Inspired by Ina Garten’s bookmark-worthy list of favorite pantry staples and a few free samples from the company itself, I’ve become pretty devoted to Nielsen-Massey’s vanilla and chocolate extracts. (At the risk of sounding like a really annoying baking purist, in simple baked goods, especially, quality extracts do make a difference.)

Whole Wheat Cinnamon-Sugar Doughnuts
Makes 6-8

Ingredients
1 cup whole wheat pastry flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup milk
1/4 cup plain Greek yogurt
1 large egg
1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
(For topping:)
3 tablespoons butter, melted
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
Cooking or baking spray oil (I use Coconut Oil spray for most baked goods)

Steps
Preheat oven to 350 and lightly spray doughnut pan with cooking spray. Sift together dry ingredients (flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt) in small bowl and set aside. In medium or large bowl, whisk together sugar, milk, yogurt, egg and vanilla until smooth. Fold dry ingredients into wet ingredients. Distribute into doughnut pan holes, taking care to not overfill (about 3/4 full is just right). Bake for 8-10 minutes, or until doughnuts spring back slightly at a light touch. Cool completely. While cooling, in a shallow dish, mix melted butter and sugar and cinnamon for topping. Dip cooled doughnuts into butter and sugar mixture, coating on all sides.

Whole Wheat Chocolate Doughnuts
Makes 6-8

Ingredients
1 cup whole wheat pastry flour
3/4 cup white flour
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder (my favorite is Ghiradelli’s cocoa powder)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 cup plus 3 tablespoons of milk
2 large eggs
2 tablespoons canola, sunflower or coconut oil
1 teaspoon chocolate extract
(For topping:)
1 cup white chocolate chips or white baking chips
Cooking or baking spray oil (I use Coconut Oil spray for most baked goods)

Steps
Preheat oven to 325 and lightly spray doughnut pan with cooking spray. Sift together dry ingredients (flour, baking powder, baking soda, cocoa and salt) in small bowl and set aside. In medium or large bowl, whisk together sugar, milk, eggs, oil, and chocolate extract until smooth. Fold dry ingredients into wet ingredients. Distribute into doughnut pan holes, taking care to not overfill (about 3/4 full is just right). Bake for 15-18 minutes, or until doughnuts spring back slightly at a light touch. Cool completely. While cooling, in a shallow dish, melt white chocolate chips in the microwave at 30 seconds intervals, stirring each time you take it out, until smooth. (Should take at most 2 rounds for a total of 60 seconds. Don’t overheat. Spoon melted chips into snack or quart sized plastic bag. Snip tiny corner off of end. Pipe onto cooled doughnuts in any design you like.

Less Homework, More Home Work

July 26, 2016 by Kelley 1 Comment

Plenty of summertime pleasures from our childhoods are going the way of the Dodo—kick the can, Kool-Aid, fireflies—but perhaps none are as much as an understandable bummer for our kids than a break from homework. Sure, there was the odd handout of suggested reading lists, which may have motivated my mother to nudge me past the Babysitters Club section of the sandy-floored Atlantic Bookshop on Rehoboth Beach boardwalk. But today’s children come home from their last day of school not only with “required” reading lists, but also composition books, workbooks, and a laundry list of assignments and expectations. And I admit, after reading about the “summer slide” when it comes to kids’ knowledge, I’ve embraced this new-school-order, and enforce—there’s no other word for it—10 minutes or so of homework most days we’re home.

The other day, after my boys were literally rolling on the hardwood floors in despair over the prospect of starting the requisite summer letter to their new teachers, I wondered if perhaps there was a better, more creative, more merciful way to keep kids’ brains from turning to slush over the summer. I sent an email to a fellow blogger who writes about educational theory: former middle school teacher and creator of The Cult of Pedagogy, Jennifer Gonzalez. I was wondering if you might be willing to get back to me with some of your favorite, experience- or research-based ideas for keeping children’s minds engaged during the lazy, hazy, unstructured days of summer, I wrote her. Beyond homework.

Jennifer’s reply surprised me. First, she admitted that despite the fact that her blog focuses on helping kids learn, she, too, feels like she’s falling short in the summer mental enrichment department, too. During unstructured hours, she says, she ends up letting her kids spend far more time on their devices than she thinks she should. However, she writes, I can say that one thing I’m doing this summer is to give them more hands-on work in the house. During the school year we are usually so rushed to “get things done” that I don’t have the patience to let them do a lot of household chores or cook their own food. And I rarely remember to follow up and make sure they did them. But this summer I’m having them wash dishes, take out the trash and recycling, and pick up dog poop on a regular schedule. When they ask if they can cook something, the answer is usually “yes,” and I am even able to get them to clean up after themselves with some level of satisfaction. To me, this is stimulating in a different way than academic enrichment or summer activities would be. It’s teaching them the kind of responsibility and skills they will need to function as citizens, as roommates, and as members of their own families someday.

How simple, and smart. With more time in their days, fewer clothes to dirty, and tools like hoses at the ready, summer is, of course, the ideal time to begin getting kids into the habit of more “home work.” Plus, though I’ve written before about how kids can benefit from doing work around the house, research supporting this theory has only grown since I wrote that post. A recent survey of more than 5000 parents by the smartphone data company Pollfish found that those who insist on regular chores are more likely to report their kids as being successful in school and in relationships.

You can find loads of age-appropriate chore charts in the blogosphere—and a hilarious send-up of the genre by a psychologist mom, here. So, without foisting yet another to-do list for child enrichment on readers who probably master the chore game better than me, I’ll simply share a few of the best ideas I’ve found for getting kids into a more helpful mindset for the balance of summer—with seasonal needs and realism in mind.

Use preschoolers as “helpers.” We all know that getting kids to do chores can be a chore in itself, and that’s ten-fold for littles. Rather than set them out on a task solo, have them work alongside you more often. Some good ideas for this age group:
–Pulling weeds
-Scrubbing car mats
-Wiping down a picnic or patio table
-Rounding up backyard toys before dinnertime
-Putting socks into pairs

Give 6- to 12-year-old “real” jobs—and don’t hover. Children this age are old enough to be decently helpful, but they—and you—will only get frustrated if you nitpick. Show them a technique once, if need be, and then let them be. Some summer tasks that are worth dishing out to elementary schoolers:
-Watering plants and flowers
-Washing car exteriors
-Cleaning and hosing down garbage cans
-Organizing toys in the garage
-Folding—or at least putting away—their own laundry

Make a Job Jar. I’m not a huge fan of “making a game” out of anything that seems unpalatable for kids, but this strategy for getting children on board with chores is pretty simple and has been well received in our house. Label a mason jar and put folded up pieces of paper labeled with chores that need to get done—think of things that have been hanging over your head for awhile, like finding lost library books or cleaning underneath couches—inside. Once a week, let kids pick from the job jar (and maybe actually earn a few bucks for it).

Appeal to their “App”sessiveness. Allow them to earn iPad time by first checking off a to-do list online, via one of the new apps created just for this purpose. These are helpful especially if you’re having trouble getting a chore system for kids off the ground. Two chore apps to check out: My Job Chart and Funifi DO.

Creating a Better Homework Space

March 4, 2016 by Kelley Leave a Comment

We all know routine is key for kids—and that’s especially true when an undesirable activity is a necessary part of the agenda. If you have children under age 7 or so, you’re probably thinking “bedtime”— in which case, it might be a good idea to file this story away and return to it in a couple of years. But if your kids are school-aged, you know I’m talking the dreaded H-word: homework. And unless you’re raising robots, I suspect you feel me on this one, at least some days.

A few months back, we did a post on whether parents should help kids with homework, and got some terrific insights from veteran teachers. While the teachers we polled were united in the belief that we shouldn’t get too involved with the “work” part of equation, they all felt it was important we get involved in the “home” part. That means creating a quiet, clean, and comfortable space in which children can be productive.

After some reading, researching, and interviewing experts, I’ve landed on three strategies that seem worth trying with my homework-averse 9-year-old:

5-Section Acrylic Tote, Container Store, $20

1. Select a dedicated, distraction-free space. According to Art Markman, a professor of psychology who blogs for Edutopia, any flat, clean surface in the house can work—as long as you can easily rid the space of attention robbers. If you have tech-savvy older children, he advises temporarily confiscating phones and tablets, and disabling messaging and Facebook during homework time. If you have younger children, that might mean making sure that younger siblings and tempting items—in our case, Legos and Rick Riordan books—are out of sight.

Aoneky Adjustable Jump Rope, Amazon, $11

2. Make sure necessary materials are on hand. If your child has to wander downstairs every time he needs a sharpened pencil or piece of lined paper, he’s apt to get sidetracked on the way. Jennifer Bardorf, the owner of Neatspaces, a professional organizing company in Wellesley, MA, recommends keeping kids’ work spaces continually stocked with pencils, good erasers, pencil sharpener and/or lead refills, colored pencils (or markers), a mini stapler, and additional paper. If your child is working at a desk with drawers, pick up some of these sturdy drawer dividers from the Container Store; if she is at a communal table, you can stock a clear caddy like this with all of the necessary supplies.

Gaiam Kids Balance Ball Chair, Amazon, $59

3. Allow some room for movement. A fascinating new study by Dutch researchers in Pediatrics adds to growing research that kids actually retain information better when they can wiggle around a little bit. “Information obtained by the body (during movement) appears to be effective for learning in childhood,” wrote lead researcher Marieke Mullender-Wijnsma in an email to me last week. “Plus, physical activity increases activity in the brain, which might cause enhanced “time-on-task” in academic lessons immediately after.” She says moving while learning is particularly helpful for homework that involves memorization and repetition, such as math facts or spelling; one trick she suggests trying is letting kids keep a jump rope near their work space and using it while they go over, say, their times tables. Fidgety kids may also benefit from swapping out a desk chair in favor of an exercise ball in their favorite color—it will allow them to keep their bodies busy while sitting, which may boost focus.

Photo credit: “A Little Bit of Help,” via Photo Pin, cc

“Cool Stuff” Doesn’t Make Kids Popular

September 15, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

It sounds like the plot of a bad ‘tween sitcom, or maybe just your mother talking, but there’s actually some solid science behind it: Expensive or trendy clothing, technology, and gear don’t help kids become more popular, according to a large study by British researchers who are studying the effects of consumer culture on kids. In fact, children who acquire “cool” things in an effort to gain friends often wind up feeling worse about themselves than they did before getting the coveted items.

This seems like a particularly relevant topic now, at the start of the school year, as kids start noticing what new gadgets and styles friends have acquired over the summer. They start complaining about being the only one without (an Xbox, an iPhone 6, monogrammed Uggs). And unless you’re made of flint, chances are a tiny part of you has at least briefly considered the notion that a certain trendy item might help a lonely child feel more confident or accepted.

But this study, of more than 1,000 children ages 8 to 14, showed the opposite. Kids not only had a diminished identity after turning to consumer goods to boost their social status, they also reported increased rejection from peers after acquiring coveted items. Researchers at the University of Sussex, who recently presented these findings as part of their ongoing Children’s Consumer Culture Project, refer to this as consumerism’s “downward spiral,” in which lower well-being leads to consumer value adoption which, in turn, lowers well-being further.

While the research itself may be over kids’ heads, it might give some of us more confidence when we assure our children that “things” aren’t the ticket to a better seat in the cafeteria or more playdate invitations. If you think your child might need a little guidance on the social front, this piece in Psychology Today by Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D is a really helpful read. Called “How Children Make Friends,” it discusses the most important “ingredients” for socializing, including basic, straightforward advice that’s easy to pass onto kids (such as how to greet a peer in the morning). It’s a pretty great primer even for sometimes-shy grown-ups, too.

To Help or Not to Help (with Homework)

August 28, 2015 by Kelley 2 Comments

A recent study in the journal Psychological Science has given us yet another example of how parental help can backfire, and it’s an eye-opener: Apparently, when parents who lack confidence in math try to lend a hand with their first- and second-graders math homework, their children perform worse than if they didn’t get any homework help at all. In fact, the more these math-anxious parents “helped,” the worse off kids were, falling behind as far as a third of a grade level in math.

I feel for these homework meddlers, and given the over-involved ways of our parental generation at large, I suspect I’m not alone. While I’m opposed to the idea of doing kids’ homework with them, I buzz constantly around my oldest son’s workspace in an effort to help “keep him on track.” And yet, the battle over getting homework done, and well, has produced more bickering and tears than pretty much any household issue we’ve faced together in the past year. So much for “helping.”

This year has to be better, not just in terms of the quality of homework turned in, but also the after school rapport between my son and me. So, on the verge of this new year, I turned to teachers I know and respect for guidance. I assembled a short, informal homework survey, and more than two dozen of these teachers and their colleagues kindly participated. The data shows some real trends of thought, which I’ll share here.

Teachers do want us to be around at homework time…
I asked the teachers, “What approach should parents ideally take to homework?” Fully 22 out of 25 teachers agreed that it’s best to “be available—give them space and expectations, and also ensure that one adult is in the vicinity to field questions and provide direction.” A couple supported the idea of a complete “team effort,” but surprisingly, not a single one agreed with the idea that we should “leave kids alone—it’s important that they take initiative and demonstrate their knowledge to teachers independently.”

…But we need to keep our hands off the work.
The biggest mistake we make at homework time? According to the majority of teachers surveyed, it’s “doing kids’ work for them.” But the second most common teacher peeve is at the opposite end of the involvement spectrum: when we “don’t provide them with enough structure or space to do the work to the best of their ability.” Clearly, the best approach is a middle-of-the-road one, in which we don’t do too much or too little, but set them up for success. One teacher put it this way: “Both hovering and doing their work for them are detrimental. Students need to be able to do their work on their own, but with help when needed. With today’s standards, much of the curriculum is taught in ways that parents didn’t learn, making it hard for them to help their students.” (Cue to the math anxiety study, cited above.) Here’s a humbling thought: our kids might understand the material better than we do.

The kitchen table might be the worst place for your kids to be doing their homework.
When I asked where kids should be doing their homework, I figured most teachers would recommend “at a desk, preferably in their room.” But only a handful of those surveyed agreed with this statement. Even fewer prescribed “the kitchen table or some other central location.” Instead, the majority—65%—thought that kids should do their homework “anywhere they are comfortable,” with many stipulating that it should be in a quiet space, with a parent in summoning distance. Maybe time for a lap desk?

Routine, routine, routine.
Many teachers commented that the most important key to diffusing homework battles is establishing a regular time and place for getting it done. “Do it first thing after school, and have all your kids do it at the same time,” said one teacher. But another voiced why this might be tricky for so many of us: “So many other commitments make it hard to develop a routine.”
Perhaps the answer, for many of us busy families, is making a homework schedule—say, on Sunday evening—that takes into account the different activities happening throughout the week. And then, perhaps posting it somewhere central—and hardest of all, enforcing it. For me, this brings home the idea that in order to get my kids into a homework routine, I have to develop one, too. My habit of announcing, suddenly, that “it’s time to get homework done!”—perhaps in the car, because we happen to be 10 minutes early to soccer practice, and tossing a pencil from my purse backwards in my son’s general vicinity—feels a little like a code blue for everyone. Not really the best milieu for quiet contemplation of concepts learned earlier in the day.

My takeaway from these incredibly helpful teachers is that to best facilitate homework success, we parents need to think of ourselves less as the talent, and more of the advance man. We are here to set a schedule, set the stage, and then step back into the wings. And maybe—just maybe—develop a bit more sensitivity when our children fall to weeping at the idea that there’s a back to sixth spelling worksheet of the night. “Kids tend to take out their negative feelings about homework on their parents as they really can’t do that to their teachers,” said one respondent. “They often feel homework is redundant. Teachers and schools should make a real and ongoing attempt to be sure homework is relevant practice of learned concepts, and not excessive.”

Okay, so routine, space, communication, and compassion: That’s my four-part plan for making homework less dreadful for everyone this fall. What’s yours?