big kids Archives - Page 6 of 10

5 Common Summer Ailments in Kids

July 16, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

Most of us associate sick days with wintertime. That’s when storefronts and commercials are dominated by cough syrup and Kleenex; not now, when sunscreen and beach balls take center stage. So when our kids spike a fever or complain of a sore throat on vacation, it may take us a bit longer to catch on—and, frankly, accept—that they’re under the weather.

As much of a drag as summer ailments are, it’s important they’re on every parents’ radar. Some health problems that go along with warm weather are as, if not more, serious to kids’ health than the coughs, colds, and flu that circulate during the school year. To get the scoop on what pediatricians are seeing in the office right now, I talked to my friend Laura Scharf, M.D., a pediatrician at Quincy (Ma.) Pediatric Associates who also serves as a physician at Camp Becket in the Berkshires, as well as HHK’s advisors Naline Lai, M.D. and Julie Kardos, M.D. of Two Peds in a Pod. Here, they weigh in on how to recognize and treat some of kids’ most common summer ailments. (In each case, be sure to consult with your child’s own healthcare provider for individualized treatment.)

Coxsackie (Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease)
Common in kids, Coxsackie often spreads around pools, sprinkler parks, public bathrooms, and other “wet” places. Part of the large family of enteroviruses that live in our gut, different Coxsackie strains cause different symptoms, but hallmarks are a high fever and small, sometimes painful blisters around the mouth, hands, feet, and sometimes buttocks. “A new strain we’re seeing can also cause a more extensive rash, often on the lower legs,” says Dr. Scharf. Kids can also get runny noses and pinkeye.
How to treat: Ibuprofen or acetaminophen (administered as directed on the label) can control fever and pain. Soft, cool foods and drinks like yogurt and milkshakes can help soothe blisters in the mouth and throat. Symptoms usually go away in 3-7 days.

Summer Colds
Believe it or not, we’re seeing a lot of colds in the office, says Dr. Lai. Often caused by different enterovirus strains than the ones that cause Coxsackie, these colds may bring on a fever and cough. They circulate where a lot of kids congregate, like camps and daycare. “So it’s not surprising we saw a spike after the July 4th holiday,” Dr. Lai says.
Prevent and treat: Viral colds can’t be eradicated with an antibiotic. Rest and lots of fluids is the best prescription. Your child should feel better within a week; if not, see a doc.

Lyme Disease
Prevalent in the northeast, Pacific northwest, and midwest, particularly in woodsy areas (but not always), Lyme disease is the most common illness spread by infected ticks. (Other tick-borne illnesses include babesiosis, ehrlichiosis, and Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. For a complete rundown, with geographic trends, check out the CDC’s page, here.) Kids who end up testing positive for Lyme come to the doctor’s office with a nagging fever, aches and pains, and sometimes a bulls-eye-shaped rash. Read more about diagnosing and treating Lyme in this previous HHK post I did with Lyme expert Nevena Zubcevik, D.O.).
Prevent and treat: Apply sprays with 20% picaridin or 30% DEET on your child before he or she goes outside for long periods, especially around wooded or grassy areas. See a doctor right away if he or she has a strange, circular rash or unexplained, recurring fevers or achiness (without other symptoms). Lyme can be diagnosed through blood tests (though false negatives are common, so be sure to follow up if symptoms persist), and treated successfully with antibiotics, especially if caught early.

Rashes
“Summer is rash season,” says Dr. Scharf. Some skin flare-ups are associated with illnesses, such as Coxsackie or Lyme, above. But our peds are also seeing a lot of bumps and welts due to photosensitivity (a reaction to excessive sunlight), contact dermatitis (sensitivity to a material or a product, often a new sunscreen), heat rash (when sweat gets trapped under clogged pores), poison ivy, and bug bites.
Prevent and treat: Limit sun exposure, especially if you have a sun-sensitive kid, and do a patch test to make sure a new sunscreen or product agrees with your child before sending him or her out for the day (sensitive kids often do best with mineral-based sunscreens with titanium dioxide or zinc oxide.) Teach your kids to avoid overgrown wooded areas and keep to paths to avoid poisinous plants. Dressing your child in loose, lightweight clothes can help ward off heat rash. If rashes develop, consult your pediatrician or dermatologist; treatments range from calamine lotion to topical steroids in more extreme cases, to temper welts and stave off itching. It’s important to keep sores clean with soap and water, and to teach kids try to avoid scratching too much, especially with unclean hands. “We see a lot of infected bug bites from this, “says Dr. Lai.

Stomach Bugs
Foodborne illnesses peak in summer months. Bacteria on food grows fastest in warm, moist conditions, and people are often cooking and eating far away from refrigerators and trusted heat sources that can regulate storage and cooking temperatures (think of picnics and beach barbecues). Illnesses usually strike within minutes or hours of eating a contaminated food, and can be mild or severe, causing abdominal pain, diarrhea, vomiting, and sometimes fever. Kids can also pick up bugs from swimming in—and often swallowing—contaminated water. Between 1978 and 2010, norovirus was the second-leading cause of illness outbreaks associated with untreated recreational water, such as lakes, according to the CDC.
Prevent and treat: Clean hands frequently when preparing food, and be sure to keep food that’s susceptible to bacteria (like raw meats) packaged tightly and separated from other edibles. Keep raw produce and meats cold with frequently changed ice packs if outdoors, and cook foods to recommended temperatures (145 for beef steaks, 160 for ground meats, and 165 for pork). The USDA recommends bringing a meat thermometer to picnics and cookouts. If a queasy stomach strikes, keep a child hydrated with plenty of non-acidic, non-dairy fluids. When kids are swimming, especially in untreated lakes or ponds, make sure they avoid swallowing water, and wash up afterwards.You can also replenish them gradually with small sips of oral rehydration solutions made with electrolytes.

Photo credit: Dave Jacquin via Flickr, cc license 2.0

Help for When a Pet Passes Away

July 2, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

Skype is dying.

I don’t mean the video communication technology—though that may very well be on its way out, too—but my 7-year-old son’s betta fish, who’s lived in a plastic bowl on his nightstand for three years. (Why he decided to name him after said technology remains a mystery I haven’t bothered to probe.) Once a vibrant, puckish swimmer and ravenous eater, Skype has been laying listlessly among his plastic plant fronds and refusing food for the past week. Once a brilliant sea green, his scales are now a dull, sad brown.

On the spectrum of loss, I realize that losing a pet fish might seem insignificant, but not to my little guy. This son, who resembles a golden retriever in look and behavior himself, loves animals—all kinds—and will spend days tending to slimy snails he found in the pond near our house. I’ve resisted getting him a furry pet until he and his brothers are older, so Skype is and has been the recipient of all the attention and affection that can possibly be bestowed on a two-inch long, cold blooded creature whose species nickname is “Siamese Fighting Fish.”

For the past several mornings, my son has checked on Skype as soon as he woke up. “He’s still alive!” he’ll say triumphantly. But I know the morning is coming very soon when he will pad down to the kitchen, his big eyes (sea-green like Skype’s) welling with tears.

City Dog, Country Frog by Mo Willems and Jon Muth.

There’s been one big comfort to him through all this, and it’s not the promise of a replacement fish or something bigger and cuddlier when the time comes. It’s two books I found at the library. We’ve been reading them all week.

The first is City Dog, Country Frog, a joint project by two of favorite children’s author-illustrators, Mo Willems and Jon Muth. Compared to many of Willems’ and Muth’s other works (like the Pigeon series, or Zen Shorts series), this book isn’t exactly a hold-shelf shelf staple, probably because it deals with dying. But it does so gently, and hopefully. Set against the backdrop of the changing seasons, it explores a friendship between an energetic puppy and a wise frog. The animals play together in the spring and rest in the fall (frog is tired). In the winter, the dog has to confront the idea of loss when frog is nowhere to be found. But when spring comes ’round again, so does a new frog friend, and the circle of life and friendship continues.

Sally Goes to Heaven by Stephen Huneck

The second is Sally Goes to Heaven. Unlike City Dog, Country Frog, it dances not at all around the idea of death. And yet I can’t imagine a book that could provide greater comfort to a young child who realizes that he or she will never see a loved one again. Sally, celebrated in a series of books by the late, great author, dog-lover and woodcut artist Stephen Huneck, is tired. She has trouble getting up to greet her owner when he arrives home, and isn’t hungry. “The next morning,” young readers learn, “Sally went to heaven.” The next several pages are devoted to Sally’s wonderful afterlife, where she discovers, among other delights, a giant pile of dirty socks she can play in all day long. She also meets wonderful new friends. Toward the end, the author shares that Sally’s one wish is that her owners will find a new animal friend to love, too. And the last page is the most poignant: “Shhh,” it reads. “Sally is dreaming.” If you or your child are still unsure what your own idea of heaven is, that page leaves an open door to interpretation on just how Sally is experiencing life after death. But it leaves no doubt she’s at peace.

My son looked up at me after we finished Sally Goes to Heaven the second or third time. “I hope that happens to Skype,” he said, his voice breaking. He laid his curly head on my shoulder for a moment. Then he wiped his eyes and went out to ride his bike.

Every time my children learn about something painful in the world beyond a skinned knee or lost toy, my heart breaks just a little. My older son also had to confront death this year, through the loss of two schoolmates’ parents. And yet, I don’t want to shy away from discussing this topic with them—along with their fears, hopes, and questions. These conversations are painful, but somehow beautiful, too. We are talking about the very essence of life, with a life we have created.

Farewell, our fishy friend. For you, we wish an afterlife filled with lots of food, a tank always filled with fresh, clean water, and another boy who loves you as much as any human possibly could.

How to Choose Kids’ Sunscreen

July 1, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

Step into just about any pharmacy in America right now, and you’ll see an aisle filled with neon-colored sunscreen bottles—and a bewildered-looking mom or two standing in front of it. I’ve been there—just last week, in fact, when I realized that my boys needed to pack their own sunscreen bottles for camp. But what was supposed to be a five-minute stop at CVS turned into a 30-minute morning-spoiler, in which I alternately studied labels and scanned scary website reports about how listed ingredients might throw my kids’ hormonal development out of whack.

We all know by now that sunscreen is essential for protecting our kids from skin cancer and future sun damage (after a childhood spent comparing sun blisters with my cousins every July 4th, I count this as major progress). But it remains frustratingly difficult to find straightforward information about what formulations, among the sea of choices at the store, we should be using (or avoiding). In search of some trustworthy advice, I reached out to Albert Yan, M.D., the chief of dermatology at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, with whom I’ve worked on articles about kids’ skin problems in the past. Thanks to insights from Dr. Yan and my friend Julie Karen, M.D., a mom as well as a dermatologist at CompleteSkinMD in New York City, I’ve come up with five facts every parent should know before stocking up on sunscreen for summer’s most scorching month.

1. Narrow your choices down to sunscreens with SPF 30 and “broad-spectrum” coverage.
Theoretically, the higher the SPF, the longer you’re protected against sunburn-causing UVB rays; but beyond SPF 30, especially, gains are negligible. “Broad-spectrum” sunscreens are essential for protecting skin not just from sunburn-causing UVB rays, but also dangerous UVA rays. Sunscreens that provide broad spectrum protection will say so on the label (the FDA monitors this), but you can also check for zinc oxide, titanium oxide, Mexoryl SX, or certain chemical combos (such as homosalate or octisalate with avobenzone) in the list of active ingredients. Don’t assume you have to buy ‘kids’ sunscreens: these formulas aren’t necessarily different than others.

2. Mineral-based sunscreen is ideal if your kids tolerate it, but chemical sunscreens are also safe for most.
Because titanium dioxide and zinc oxide work by providing a physical barrier on top of the skin rather than being absorbed into it, sunscreens made from them are great for those with sensitive skin (like babies and children with eczema). But many kids dislike titanium and zinc’s thick feel and the white-ish cast they leave on the skin—and as a result, they or their parents may apply formulations hastily, and resist reapplication. If this tends to be the case, and sensitivity isn’t an issue, Drs. Yan and Karen recommend chemical sunscreens instead. “Above all, I ask families to buy something that their kids will tolerate and be willing to use,” says Dr. Yan.
What about the chemical ingredient oxybenzone, which the recent Environmental Working Group (EWG) report on sunscreens was chiefly concerned about? “When administered at high doses to animals, it has shown to mimic the effects of estrogen, but the doses were extremely high and used over a long period of time,” says Dr. Yan. A recent editorial on the website of the Skin Cancer Foundation reported on a CDC study that found that oxybenzone is already prevalent in our bodies and “has not been associated with adverse health effects,” but did note that researchers called for more studies into the chemical’s effect on human bodies. For parents who are skeptical, Dr. Yan recommends sticking with zinc or titanium or choosing a chemical sunscreen that doesn’t contain oxybenzone. (Our current household favorite is Ocean Potion Protect & Nourish SPF 30, which spreads well, smells great—like lemon layer cake—and contains no oxybenzone.)

3. Sunscreen sprays can be used—with caution.
Sprays have gotten a bad rap lately, mostly over concerns that children might inhale aerosol particles when they’re being applied. The FDA is in the process of investigating the safety of aerosol sprays, but has yet to come out with definitive guidelines on their use. In the meantime, my doc sources say they like sprays for their ease of use and light feel, but with some caveats. Dr. Karen worries about how well they cover the entire body, so usually starts with a good lotion-based sunscreen on her kids, and relies on sprays for easy reapplication. When kids are in and out of water, Dr. Yan prefers the thicker coverage of a lotion or gel, but in other circumstances, gives parents the green light on sprays. To reduce the possibilities of inhalation when using on facial areas, he does suggest that people apply aerosol sprays to their own hands and then rub it on the face, or look into newer, non-aerosol sprays (they look like pump bottles).

4. Reapply more than you think.
When patients’ parents say their kids are burning even though they’re putting on sunscreen, Dr. Yan usually discovers they aren’t reapplying often enough. Diligent reapplication every 2 to 4 hours, especially during water-based activities, is key. And don’t skimp when it’s cloudy. According to the Skin Cancer Foundation, 70-80 percent of the sun’s rays—above all, UVA rays—go through clouds and fog.

5. Don’t rely on just sunscreen for sun safety.
Warwick Morison, M.D., chair of the Skin Cancer Foundation’s photobiology committee, calls sunscreen “just a part of a package of protection.” Hats, rash guards or tightly woven shirts, and frequent breaks from the sun can go a long way toward keeping kids safe and happy during a long day at the beach, park, or pool.

50 Parenting Truths They Left Out of the Books

June 22, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

My oldest son recently celebrated his 9^th birthday, which means—unthinkably—I’m in my final lap of my first decade of parenting. Because the start of summer has gotten me in a list-y sort of mood, I’ve spent the last couple weeks chipping away at a collection of random truths—my truths, at least—that seem to be missing from the parenting books I’ve amassed since my first pregnancy.

Aside from being a surprisingly cathartic exercise now, I thought it would interesting to be able to look back at this list after another decade has passed. What did I get right? Where was I clueless? What would I add once I was the parent of three big teenage boys (gulp) on the verge of adulthood?

Until then, I’m hoping you’ll share feedback and your own truths in comments or posts, and keep the list growing and growing.

1. Don’t, under any circumstances, try to pull down a dirty Pull-Up or swim diaper. Rip from the sides.

2. The terrible twos have nothing on the terrible threes. With another year, comes a greater sense of power.

3. Anything you let slide three times will become expected. That goes for them sleeping in your bed, skipping bath, eating a second dessert, and many, many other things.

4. The best way to clean a child’s nose is by sneak attack.

5. Trash and queasiness are inevitabilities in the family car. Always keep some plastic grocery bags in the glove compartment.

6. The ease with which your child learns to swim, ride a bike, and try a new food is far more dependent on their own internal voice than anything you can do or say.

7. Buy more milk, eggs, paper towels, socks, and sports water bottles than you think you’ll need.

8. Take the hand-me-downs.

9. Make a good babysitter happy.

10. An afternoon at the movies is fun, but with young children, a good video and popcorn is usually just as enjoyable for them and preferable in about a dozen ways for you.

11. Take 10 minutes to let kids run around a park, yard, or your apartment lobby before a road trip or restaurant meal.

12. Make sure your children get to bed on time the week before a vacation.

13. Three seasons of the year and for a good part of the fourth, top sheets on children’s beds are an unnecessary headache.

14. If you’re going to overspend on one thing your child’s going to wear, make it sneakers.

15. If your baby accepts a challenging food, keep giving it to him or her at least once a week. Otherwise, when you present it again in toddlerhood, he or she is likely to reject it.

16. If you want to get your child’s attention, sit in one place nearby for a few minutes, saying nothing.

17. Always pack water on car trips over 20 minutes.

18. If you go to the playground before 10 o’clock in the morning, bring an old towel to wipe down the slide.

19. It’s almost never something they ate, but a bug they’ve caught.

20. Kids will tire of even their favorite new toys within a couple months. Rotate boxes of 10 or so toys in and out of a hiding place.

21. Teach children to throw away wrappers and tissues in toddlerhood, otherwise you’ve got an uphill battle on your hands later.

22. An roll of kraft or butcher’s paper costs very little, lasts forever, and serves as an endless drawing surface, mess-free painting surface, tablecloth, or drop cloth.

23. Your child will have discussed with his or her friends certain (and almost always incorrect) aspects of the birds and bees long before you’ve had “the talk” with them.

24. Yell your point, and your child will focus on the yelling and miss the point.

25. They are still wiping wrong. Revisit lessons on technique regularly.

26. Learning to read and potty train are both longer processes than you think they will or should be.

27. When someone is unkind to your children, take heart: it will almost certainly hurt you more than it hurts them.

28. Your child’s general disposition at 4 months is very similar to what it will be at 4 years.

29. Nothing good comes from telling your child more than a couple minutes in advance that he or she is getting a shot at the doctor’s office.

30. It will be hard to believe that you will love a new child the way you love the one you already have, but you will.

31. Giving children the cold shoulder when you are angry will only confuse them.

32. After 30-60 minutes, the amount of screen time a child enjoys will be likely be inversely proportional to their good mood.

33. Telling your child about a mistake you’ve made can lead to a powerful connection between you.

34. Whether it’s reading, skating, sports, or a board game, a child will never really enjoy a pastime until he or she becomes basically capable at it. Expect the early days to be rough-going.

35. Set parental controls on the television and computer before you think you need to.

36. It’s tempting to skirt proper tuck-ins for older children, especially if they have younger siblings. Don’t.

37. It’s so much easier to clean up their room and toys for them, but that doesn’t mean you should.

38. You and the teacher are on the same team. Be absolutely candid with them about what your child is all about.

39. That perfect family? They have more worries and problems than you can imagine.

40. One of your child’s favorite foods will be his or her sibling’s least favorite foods, and vice versa. Don’t cut any of them out for this reason.

41. Once a child is potty trained, it will be infinitely easier to keep small stools in all bathrooms in the home for several years so children can go to the bathroom and wash their hands independently. Just buy a few.

42. The well-being of your oldest child will always be the barometer for how you think you’re doing as a parent.

43. Keep it light with kids, whenever possible.

44. Your neighbors know and care less about your family dynamics than you think they do.

45. If you find yourself starting to tell your child something for the third time in a row, start over, with eye contact.

46. When teachers recommend practicing the play lines at home, do it.

47. Offering a fellow parent a genuine compliment about his or her child can make that person’s day.

48. Your child’s “thing”—bugs, chess, rhythmic gymnastics—will likely change in two years.

49. Average can be—by definition—okay.

50. More hugs, fewer words.

What are some of your own parenting truths?

How to Take Great Photos Of Your Kids

May 28, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

There’s nothing like a beautiful or funny photo of a child to help remind us of the big-picture joys of raising kids. Even as years and legs stretch on, a photo will capture a stage or moment that may otherwise be stolen by the messiness of day-to-day life.

When it comes to memorializing our kids in 2-D, smartphones are a mixed blessing. The good: We can take tons of pictures, at any given moment. And the bad: We can take tons of pictures, at any given moment. We’ve devolved from point-and-shoot to point-and-tap, and too often, quality gets lost in quantity.

After discovering about three dozen crummy shots of blurry kids with blank expressions on my iPhone the other day, I decided it was time to get some legit advice on taking better pictures, before these irresistibly cute years pass by with few great photos to show for it. So I talked to the three moms I know who take the most unbelievably gorgeous, and seemingly effortless photos. My sister-in-law Susannah and friend Beth are amazing amateurs who are constantly taking and posting enviable shots of their children (they each have three). My high school friend Carolyn is a professional photographer who specializes in children’s and family portraits in Cincinnati (check out her website, Carolyn Bowles Photography, here.) They were kind enough to share their secrets to taking great photos of their kids and others’. Print out these tips and share them before summer vacation rolls around!

Susannah’s Tips

What’s your camera of choice? I always use the Canon EOS Rebel T3.

What settings do you use? I usually shoot in “full auto mode” (it automatically focuses, adjusts brightness, etc.) especially when taking photos of the kids on the move. I use portrait mode for holiday card photos, framed photos, etc. These are definitely my go-to, but in certain environments (beach, whatever), landscape and sports modes are also handy.

What time of day or positioning of sun is best? I always shoot with the sun behind my back so that it provides good, natural lighting. If you shoot with the sun facing the lens, you get hazy photos with lots of glare.

Stolen moments: Susannah took this photo of my oldest son and me in Martha’s Vineyard.

How do you get kids to look like they’re not being tortured in a photo? I generally take candids, which means I try to stay in the background, be as invisible as possible, and capture my kids in motion. I like to use my zoom feature, and take close-up photos of my kids’ faces, even when I’m far away. This allows me to capture really great, genuine moments without the groaning. For “staged” photos, my husband stands behind me and makes the kids laugh (pretending to trip over furniture is a go-to tactic). This helps generate genuine smiles in a staged setting.

What mistakes did you used to make? As I’ve become more experienced, I’ve really become more conscious of avoiding odd eyesores in the background (lawn furniture, bystanders, etc.)

Last piece of advice? Don’t be afraid to experiment and involve the kids—they love taking a picture or two.

Beth’s Tips

For water shots, Beth uses a Fuji Fine Pix point-and-shoot.

What’s your camera of choice? Sadly, most of my pictures end up being taken with my iPhone 5s, then cropped and edited. But when I’m really out to take pictures, I use a Nikon D40 SLR, most often with a 55-200mm zoom lens. You need to shoot from a distance with this, but that’s exactly why I love it: I can stay far away from the kids and get better candids, and I can really focus on details. I personally would rather capture the spark in one eye when a child is looking at something, than capture the 40 other things that could be going on in a standard frame. I also use a Fuji FinePix point-and-shoot in places where I don’t/can’t use my Nikon or iPhone—usually water-oriented things.

What settings do you use? As much as I can, I avoid using the flash, because I can never get the right tones. But if I have to use flash, then I deflect it/soften it using a bent index card. On my Nikon, I rely heavily on the automatic settings when I want dependable results, liking the portrait and action settings mostly. I also use iPhoto editing tools for adjusting color balance, cropping to get a better shot, etc. Very little that I share has not been at least re-framed.

Don't be afraid to break "the rules" of lighting.

Breaking “the rules” of lighting: Beth’s daughter at the Cape.

What time of day or positioning of sun is best? My favorites are the start and end of the days—it’s just good light. A full shadow is better than dappled shadows, and an overcast day is easier to shoot than a super sunny day (especially on snow and sand.) And some of my favorite shots break all the rules of lighting … I love evening backlighting and getting really dark subjects, especially if the kids are at play. And, when something is close but not quite right, playing with exposure and contrast after the fact can make a huge difference.

How do you get kids to not look like they’re being tortured in a photo? After a few horrific portrait sessions, I decided I’d rather have happy candids than “perfect” portraits. For those family pictures, though, it’s key that kids not be hungry, tired, or forced to sit while other kids are throwing a frisbee or eating ice cream. And not before opening gifts on Christmas morning. The best pictures tend to be taken at places where the kids are authentically happy anyway: with friends, at the beach, during an Easter Egg hunt or a birthday party.

What mistakes did you used to make? High expectations are the seed of disappointment: I no longer tell the kids that this is important to me. That’s the kiss of death. One mistake I have made again and again is waiting until the end of an event to try for a “memory” shot” (“Great Grandma is here, let’s get everyone in a picture..”). But the kids have been excused, Great Grandma is worried about the time, and no one is happy—and no one looks happy—even if you manage to get the shot. Do it at the beginning, or while everyone is sitting and eating. It’s way easier to put a plate down for 30 seconds than to reconvene everyone for a forced photo once the event is waning.

Last piece of advice? You can’t get good pictures if you don’t take pictures: Always have a camera with you, and take a lot of shots. And take a lot of them at once: On the iPhone, use the burst feature. A lot of point-and-shoots and SLRs have a version of it, too. Even if you get no perfect shots, they’ll have been taken so closely together that you have decent odds of photoshopping open eyes into a picture where one kid is caught mid-blink and everything else is great.

Carolyn’s Tips

What’s your camera of choice? I love the Canon 5D and it has been my go-to camera for many years. It’s amazing when paired with a lens like my favorite, the 50mm 1.2. I always tell people a great lens to start learning about photography is the 50mm 1.4, either Canon or Nikon. It’s called a prime lens because it’s at a set focal length. So, you move on your feet to move close to or far away from your subject. It’s an amazing lens and really helps you learn how to shoot in manual mode.

What settings do you use? I always set it on manual and make adjustments between aperture, shutter speed, and ISO. The great thing about digital cameras is that you can practice, practice, and practice some more without wasting money on film. Plus, you can get instant feedback by checking the back screen so you can make adjustments and get the exposure right.

Carolyn Bowles Photography

What time of day or positioning of sun is best? My favorite is a few hours before sunset. I love that soft, glowy, even light that you get when the sun starts to go down for the day. Now, while I encourage all my clients to choose this time of day, sometimes it just doesn’t work out and we have to shoot mid-day. In that case, I’ll find nice open shade so I don’t have to worry about the sun. I may need to move around my subject multiple times to find the most pleasing light before I start snapping away. Take your time to get the set up right with the light and you’ll be so happy you did.

How do you get kids to not look like they’re being tortured in a photo? I like to start every session by telling the kids how much fun we’re going to have. This is in big contrast to some parents who want to tell their kids to quickly smile and then they can get a treat. In my experience, that tactic rarely works because the child never fully settles into being photographed. He/she instead does a fake smile super quick just to get to the treat. But if you make the session fun by playing games, blowing bubbles, going on a nature walk,

Carolyn Bowles Photography

swinging with parents, running in circles, having a tea party, or whatever is of interest, that child will have a blast and be engaged and forget that he/she is even being photographed. That’s where the magic starts and you get genuine, documentary style portraits that every parent wants to have of their child. That’s not to say that kids don’t have meltdowns, get upset, or feel tired. In that case, I always encourage parents to have snacks and drinks on hand. Sometimes we even stop a session to read a book and just take a break with no photos. When we have a specific pose in mind or something we want to accomplish, I find that hardly ever goes well. But if we see where the photos lead us and what the kids do, it leads to unique portraits that tell the story of that individual child.

What mistakes did you used to make or do you see other parents make? A mistake I often see parents do is to start to get upset themselves that a photo session may not go as they had planned. Again, it takes much patience, ease, and go-with-the-flow attitude when photographing children.

Any final tips or tricks? One, I would encourage everyone to try moving toward manual mode. Start by setting your camera to AP mode (“aperture-priority”). In this case, you choose the aperture (how much light comes into the camera) and then the camera chooses the shutter speed and ISO. It’s the first step into seeing how these three technical things work together. Once you get the hang of it, you can eventually get into manual mode and see your photography start to take off! Two, get a good photo management system to help you organize your photos and not hog space on your device. After I take my photos, I upload them immediately to Lightroom (an Adobe app), choose my favorites to process and delete the ones I don’t like. Finally, print your portraits! Get them off your hard drive and actually enjoy them. The look of joy when I hand over a wall gallery of prints, a masterpiece canvas, or an album of a session to a family is priceless and always reminds me to print my own photos.

Pediatric Sleep Doctor’s Wish List

May 26, 2015 by Kelley 2 Comments

This post is part of a “Wish List” series in which I ask experts in different kid-related fields—medicine, education, etc.—what they really want parents to know and do better. Interested in hearing from a certain type of expert? Please make a suggestion here.

Everyone has their own parenting challenges, but getting kids to bed seems to unite us all. From wakeful newborns to night-owl teens, sleep problems never seem to go away—they just change. For this reason, I’ve tapped Craig Canapari, M.D. for our latest installment of “Wish List.” Dr. Canapari is a pediatrician specializing in breathing and sleep problems at the Yale-New Haven Children’s Hospital. A dad of two, Dr. Canapari also has a website which provides real-world perspective on cutting-edge sleep research. (I should also add that I’ve been reporting on kids’ health for 15 years now, and think no expert beats Dr. Canapari when it comes to demystifying kids’ sleep issues and helping parents chill out about them.) Here, he tells us the five things he wishes every parent knew or did to help all kids of all ages have healthier, better, and more restful sleep.

1. A good bedtime is critical for sleep success. Whether your child is 3 months, 3 years, or 13 years old, the most important area to focus on for good sleep is bedtime. A good bedtime occurs at a consistent time and is predictable and pleasant. In our home, my boys brush teeth, bathe, read stories, sing songs, and then have lights out. One trouble area for parents is that bedtime rituals can become too long and jumbled. For example, if the child is going upstairs then downstairs then outside then back to his or her bedroom, he or she is likely going to have some problems falling asleep. For older children and teens (and adults for that matter) it’s important to “power down” by turning off screens (and removing from the bedroom) and relaxing for 30–60 minutes prior to bedtime.

2. Sleep training doesn’t hurt your child, and may not even involve crying. Since Dr. Sears published The Baby Book in 1993 and started the attachment parenting movement, many parents have become leery of sleep training, which has become synonomous with “crying it out” (CIO). Both Dr. Sears and some more marginal sources have even suggested that sleep training is neglect, or even that it can brain damage your child. I would like to set the record straight. 1. There is no evidence that sleep training harms children, and good evidence that it improves sleep qualities and benefits families. 2. Crying may be necessary in some cases but can be minimized by a later bedtime (bedtime fading) and techniques like gradual withdrawal of parental presence, or “camping out”.

3. Some kids sleep better than others. When I was a baby, I slept for 18 hours a day, and my mother was really concerned about this. Other infants may sleep for 12 hours a day at first (and I guarantee that those hours are not occurring in a row). Differences can persist into childhood. So if your friend’s child is a perfect sleeper and yours is not, don’t stress too much. You can have good sleep but it may require a bit more diligence. (And her kid may be a picky eater, or like to eat dirt, etc).

4. Snoring is not normal and should be investigated. Some kids who snore may have a condition called obstructive sleep apnea, where the airway (the breathing tube from the nose and mouth to the voicebox) may narrow or close and open during the night. This problem can be associated with sleep disruption and drops in oxygen levels, as well as daytime problems with behavior and attention. Most (but not all) kids with OSA snore, and frequent or loud snoring should be discussed with your pediatrician, especially in the first year of life. The evaluation may include an overnight sleep test. Treatment options can include allergy medications, removal of the tonsils or adenoids, or orthodontic work.

5. Sleep deprivation is toxic, both for parents and adults. In children and teens, inadequate sleep is associated with a myriad of issues including behavioral and mood problems, weight gain, and difficulties in school. Most younger children will not be sleep deprived as they will go to sleep when tired and wake up when they are rested. However, if you routinely need to wake your school-age child in the morning, or if they easily fall asleep on short car trips, it is worth checking to see if they have had enought sleep. For more information on how much sleep kids and grownups need, here are the recommendations from the National Sleep Foundation. Teenagers are a different story; according to a recent survey by the CDC 90% of teens are sleep deprived, and the primary culprit is in appropriately early school start times. To learn more about this issue, go check out Start School Later. and start advocating in your community for this issue.

Nurturing Selflessness in a Selfie Generation

May 15, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

I was really moved by the recent news story about the high school quarterback who made good on a fourth-grade promise to bring his friend Mary, who has Down Syndrome, to prom. For so many kids, prom is a living selfie, in which painstaking choices of date, dress, transportation, and after-party are all made with an intent to prove to peers just how fabulous they are. This kid decided to make an old pal feel fabulous instead (and isn’t she just about the prettiest prom date you’ve ever seen?)

Some uplifting research suggests that humans—Ayn Rand be damned—are wired to think beyond themselves and their own needs. One well-reported study of 18 month-olds in the journal Science found that toddlers are quick to help others who are visibly struggling with a task—such as pick up a book that a grown-up has dropped—without being asked. But I fear we may be raising a lot of kids whose altruism is less instinctive, and more reactive—a means to a bigger allowance or better resume. Studied selflessness is certainly better than selfishness, but still, wouldn’t it be great if we could nudge more kids into more good deeds for no other reason than because they feel it’s the “right” thing to do—or simply because it might put a smile on someone else’s face?

In a previous post, I shared some tips from the Parent Management Training Institute about the importance of modeling generous behavior and becoming a “storyteller of kindness” to help nurture empathy in very young children. Last week, at our local bookstore, I spied a slim, not-so-new little paperback that might help slightly older kids start thinking beyond themselves independently. Written a few years ago by Suzy Becker (better known lately for her Kate the Great series), Kids Make it Better presents young readers with 24 problems and asks them to write their ideas for a solution and draw a picture about it. Some examples: “Things are not always equal for boys and girls. What would you do to fix that?” Or, “What would you do for people who don’t have homes?” And, “Some people are always shy and everyone is shy sometimes. How can you help a shy person feel less shy?” At the end of the book, there’s even an action plan section which helps kids put their ideas to work in real life. While it’s probably ideal for grade schoolers, the language is so simple and kid-friendly that you could easily read the book aloud to pre-readers and prompt them to share their thoughts verbally and through pictures.

It occurs to me that even more than camps, classes, trips, and Xtra Math, this might be a worthwhile activity for the kids to do this summer. I’m tucking this away on the shelf to bring out on summer evenings, when everyone could stand for a little quiet, calm, and reflection. I can’t wait to hear their ideas.

Photo credits: Noo via Flickr ; Lisa Troutman Moser via Facebook

Surviving End-of-School-Year Stress

May 11, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

When did sunny, celebration-filled May surpass chilly, budget-blowing December as moms’ most annoying month the year?

Maybe it has always been this way, or perhaps growing children—with their growing commitments, cruelly concentrated at the end of the school year—is just now making me feel this way. In any event, I can’t remember any periods in my parenting life where I’ve felt like our family’s work-life combo platter has been piled quite this high. The kids, meanwhile, spend most of their time hopping around like monkeys, vacillating between overexcitement and burnout.

Thankfully, Cory Halaby has shared with us her five top tips for keeping everyone sane during this crazy-busy time. Trained by Oprah magazine columnist Martha Beck, Halaby is a life coach, yoga instructor, meditation enthusiast, and mother of two middle schoolers. In the wisest, gentlest, most inspiring way imaginable, she coaches moms who want to love what they do all day right now, and when their kids are grown. Here are some thoughts she shared with me about juggling your commitments this spring, while also taking time to stop and smell the flowers.

Repeat after me, “Springtime is full of activity and change…and that’s okay.”

We can easily waste energy and create unnecessary upset when we’re wishing things were different than they are. As author and spiritual teacher, Byron Katie, often says, “When you argue with reality, you lose—but only 100% of the time.” If you’ve got kids in school and a few extracurricular activities, you’re going to be busier than usual. It’s temporary and it’s fine. You don’t have get everything right or do it perfectly. Just take a deep breath and do what you can.

Lean on your lists and check your calendar often.
These might sound like more chores, but believe me, you’ll be better able to relax and appreciate all of the end-of-year celebrations if you know when they are and what you’re supposed to bring. For the next few weeks, set aside five quiet minutes (it might mean waking up five minutes earlier) to write down every task, and keep a sharp eye on your calendar for random half-days, extra rehearsals, field trips, etc.

Take time to savor the day’s highlights.
Our brains are wired with a negative bias, meaning we remember disasters vividly for years and forget sweet moments quickly. Even if your day was replete with tantrums, tardiness, and a trip to the emergency room, there were probably some good laughs and small triumphs in the mix. You can talk about them at dinner, write them down, or just think of a few as you brush you teeth before bed.

Get on the same page as your spouse or partner.
Explain the nature of springtime for you if your co-parent isn’t already clued in. Detail your hopes, concerns and fears, as well as the types of support you could use. Be ready to listen and offer support as well. (Brené Brown writes beautifully about vulnerability and the power of being honest about your hopes and fears with your spouse. It sounds uncomfortable, but will make your relationship a gazillion times stronger and more satisfying. You probably don’t have time to read her right now, but add Daring Greatly or The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting to your summer reading/listening list.)

Do your best with all of the above, but whether things go well or not, be kind to yourself.
That’s right: Be kind to yourself. (It’s worth repeating.) Your children are learning from your example. When this and many more spring seasons have come and gone, they will have internalized kindness to see them through. They will learn it from you.
Here’s an image to help with that last bit, the kindness part: Picture a little kid in a dance recital, the kind you might be buying tights and bobby pins for this week. She’s excited and nervous. She’s been practicing new skills all year and is ready to shine, but she’s out of her comfort zone on stage and not sure how it’s going to go. She really doesn’t want to be embarrassed or let anyone down. From the audience you can see how totally adorable this kid is. You see her being brave and trying her best. You hope she will be able to think on her feet, trust herself and have a ball up there. You hope it all goes perfectly, but if it doesn’t, if a shoe flies off or a step is forgotten, you still love that kid. You still just want her to have great time being herself. What else is dancing for?
Now see how much you are like that kid. You’ve been practicing new skills all year and now it’s time to show them off. You can organize and prepare for activities, be present and compassionate with your kids, guard sleep and healthy food habits, remember the permission slips, sunscreen, bandaids, baseball mitts and bug-spray, all with a little more intensity than usual. Trust yourself. Bust a move. If it all goes sideways, you’ll have good story material to laugh about later. You are still totally adorable. Enjoy yourself. What else is living for?To learn more from and about Cory Halaby, check out her website.

How Much Screen Time is Okay?

May 7, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

Our mothers worried about plenty of things, but screen time probably wasn’t one of them. There was TV, but since chosen shows appeared at set times, there were natural limits to how long we watched. Atari and Nintendo made an appearance; but options were limited, and depictions were largely innocent and relatively unrealistic.

Our generation of parents is the first to deal with the dilemma of screen time, which, in excess, is associated with physical and mental health issues in kids. With no precedent and scant data on how currently hot technologies affect kids’ brains, we’re all feeling our way through an ever-changing landscape of sometimes-enriching, sometimes-mind-numbing, and occasionally harmful interactive imagery. It’s no wonder, that in a recent survey of Happy Healthy Kids readers, more than two-thirds of you worry your kids get too much screen time, and 70 percent of you describe your children as “obsessed” at times with TVs, phones, tablets, and computers.

It was 2011 when the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) last issued a policy statement specifically addressing young children and media, discouraging parents to allow kids under age 2 any screen time at all. That was a year after Apple launched the first iPad; now, the iPad is in its sixth generation, and the Wall Street Journal recently reported that some 48,000 developers are working on developing kids’ apps, many of which cater to the toddler set. (Apple’s app store’s lowest “searchable” age category is 5 and under, but many of the apps in this section are clearly for babies, not preschoolers.) Two years ago, another AAP policy statement on children and media, focusing on older children, was issued. It prescribed a “media diet” for children, and suggested writing down screen time limits and appropriate choices for children. But with more and more schools—right down to my youngest son’s toddler program—utilizing iPads for classroom work and homework in the two years since, it’s nearly impossible to get a grasp on how many total hours our children are staring at and tapping on screens.

Our survey also revealed that 71 percent of you fight with your kids at least once week about screen time limits. In our house, screen time is a near-daily disagreement. We have basic limits—a half hour of TV or computer before dinner, if homework is done, during the week, and an hour on weekends—but they do everything they can to stretch those limits as often as possible. They “don’t hear” timers. They argue that a brother somehow eked out more than everybody else. And we’re probably to blame. It’s hard to be consistent 100 percent of the time, and if you’re on a phone call or the rice burned or just tired of the whining, it’s easier to give five more minutes than it is to draw a hard line.

In need of some more updated, nuanced perspective than blanket statements, I turned to one of the leading thinkers when it comes to children’s screen time issues: Michael Rich, M.D., a.k.a. The Mediatrician. The Director of The Center for Media and Child Health at Boston Children’s Hospital, the pediatrician and dad of four fields parents’ media-use questions in his online column, Ask the Mediatrician. Here are some main points that Dr. Rich generously shared with me in an email exchange we had last week.

There’s no hard and fast rule about how much screen time kids should get.
Dr. Rich doesn’t think it’s realistic or even helpful anymore for experts to prescribe official screen time limits for any age. “Because screen media devices have become more and more ubiquitous and even expected in communication (i.e., Skyping with distant family) and education (even in preschool), the definition of screen time has become muddied,” he says. Plus, Dr. Rich points out, while there’s evidence that physical, mental, and social health problems tend to increase with greater screen time, there’s no distinct point at which risk outweighs benefit.

…So parents need to understand the risks and benefits about screen time to make calculations about what’s healthy for their own kids.
When deciding on screen rules for your kids, Dr. Rich advises parents to think about media like nutrition: “We have to learn what’s healthy and unhealthy for them, and pay attention to consuming media that helps rather than harms.” He does note evidence that children who watch TV at earlier ages watch much more TV than their peers at later ages, and are at higher risk for obesity, poor sleep, anxiety, attention problems, and more. Changes in social behavior, school performance, moods, or communicativeness all can be signs of too much screen media consumption.

Screen choices may be more important than screen time.
Dr. Rich resists advocating one type of media over another: “These products change so rapidly that naming better or worse types is bound to be obsolete or downright wrong very quickly,” he says. “The best approach is to recognize that all media are educational—what differs is what they teach and how well they teach it.” If educational benefits are what you’re after, immersive, interactive media where the player controls the narrative and practices over and over (like, yes, certain, non-violent video games) are more effective teachers than receptive media where the viewer passively watches other people’s narratives. There’s evidence that under 30 months, children do not learn anything substantial from receptive media (i.e., most TV shows) at all. Most important in deciding on allowable shows, apps, or games: We should observe our children using media and their subsequent behavior to assess how particular types affect them, good or bad.

Scheduling appropriate screen choices into kids’ increasingly busy days will help enforce whatever media plan you decide on.
“Engage kids early and often in planning their days, and prioritize activities that they must do (going to school, doing homework, and getting adequate sleep) and that help them stay physically and mentally healthy (sitting down to meals with family and getting some physical activity, preferably outdoors). Make sure their screen time doesn’t blend into time spent doing those activities: Trying to multitask “must-dos” with media “leads to more mistakes and less retention, even for MIT students,” says Dr. Rich. Media that are acceptable to parents can be used in the time remaining.

Have a question for Dr. Rich? Find him on Ask the Mediatrician.

photo credit: Noo via Photo Pin, cc

Preparing for the Worst

April 30, 2015 by Kelley 1 Comment

I was organizing my kids’ closets the other day when I got an alert on my phone that April 30—today—is America’s PrepareAthon Day. Spearheaded by FEMA, it encourages communities, families, and individuals to practice what needs to be done in the event of a disaster.

It occurred to me that while I painstakingly organize hand-me-down clothes in basement storage bins every season, I haven’t assembled much of a family emergency kit—or plan—since I (and every other New Yorker) put together a “go bag” in the days after 9/11. That was before having kids. Since then, I’ve had brief, one-off conversations with my older boys about what they should do if there was a fire in the house, and I’ve purchased a fireproof box for some important documents. But if we were suddenly housebound due to a natural disaster, or needed to skip town quickly, we’d be woefully ill-equipped.

If you’re anything like me, it would be worth an hour of your time today or some day soon to sit down with your partner and map out some simple preparedness strategies for your family. Sure, some of the measures recommended by the government may feel a little “fearful.” But think of it like locking your doors in a “safe” neighborhood, or holding your child’s hand near a road even if there are no cars coming. Part of good parenting is anticipating worst-case-scenarios. You may need a more detailed game-plan if you live in a region that’s at high-risk for a particular natural disaster, but these five tips from Ready.gov are a really helpful starting point for everyone.

1. Assemble an emergency supply kit to keep at home and make sure all family members know where it is. More info here…

2. Keep your car ready for an emergency. More info here…

3. Opt in to wireless emergency alerts (WEAs) messages on your phone (look in “settings”). Many people switch off Amber Alerts and inadvertently disable WEA’s, too. More info here…

4. Sit down with family members and make sure you have a plan of where to go and how to connect an emergency. Make sure kids have memorized your cell phone numbers, how to call 911 for help, and where to go if they are alone, can’t call or text anyone, and need help. More info here…

5. Tell family members to “text, not talk” in an emergency. Texts transmit faster and more easily than voice calls, and use less battery power.

For quick reference, print out the cheat sheet below. If you have any other great resources, or tips for talking to your children about how to prepare for the worst (without raising anxiety levels unnecessarily), please share here.

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